I've sat here for days with this very blog on my mind. I've been praying about what to write and how to convey these days I am walking through. To be honest, it's hard because the world's noise has been louder than ever before and I have failed at tuning it out and focusing on God's still small voice. I've literally wrote blog after blog but erased it because it was ME writing it, rather than what God has laid on my heart and my heart does all the talking. To be honest, it has frustrated me to no end. Most of you know how deeply music speaks to me and today is no different.
As I unwound from my day of lab, class and many hours of tutoring, I flipped on my iTunes and hit shuffle. Many songs began to play but one really stopped me in my tracks. It is one of my most favorite songs and although I have heard it more times than I can count, I knew God meant it for me in those rare quiet moments by myself tonight. And I paused. "It Is Well" by Bethel Music played through my phone. If you have never heard this song, it is such a beautiful song and it struck a chord in my heart tonight. Go listen to it! Life may be coming in around you but nothing is too big or too large for my God and therefore it is well with my soul. My favorite line and one of the most beautiful in the song... "So let go my soul and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name."
The waves and the wind... much beyond my control (like all things in life) know HIS name.... not the name of worry, not the name of doubt, not the name of defeat or heartbreak. They know God's name. He is. He was. He will ALWAYS be. Talk about being put in my place tonight. I've been asked so many times over the past weeks how life and school are going and if I am excited for my trip... which I leave for in a WEEK. I've had so many opportunities to talk about RoMed this week and that is a blessing but that excitement has been quite shielded by the surmounting stress that has loomed over me. All I can talk about is getting on a plane and beginning my trip without the many tests that are standing in my way. My heart broke at that revelation tonight. Romania is one of the most special things in my life and it has changed it in so many ways and that trumps all the stress. Will I be beyond thrilled for that moment? You bet ya! Am I ready for my wave of stress to pass? I can't even tell you how bad. But what have I lost sight of... that wave of stress... the wave that knows His name and His alone. So what is my job in all of this? Letting go. "Through it all. Through it all, my eyes are on you. And it is well."
What better example in all of our stressors in life about letting go than the example of God letting go of His Son for our sake. And Jesus spent Himself for us. So why is it so hard for us to let go and die to ourselves and spend our time on Him, rather than worry and stress? Well, the simple answer is we are human but can we not learn a lesson in His likeness. Isn't it our goal to be like Him? He let go... we must let go, to live. We must open our eyes beyond on our own woes in life and to turn them to Him and to those whom He loves and choose to choose serving and loving others above ourselves. With this, I believe this how we truly let go of this selfish holding patterns that we allow ourselves to get stuck in. And as a wise friend said to me just last week, amid all my talk of worry and defeat... she said... "but you will be blessed." That is such a beautiful truth, regardless of my worry and stress... He chooses to bless me and I do not deserve one bit of it. Surely, every moment I've spent in Romania were blessed and life changing ones. So much so, leaving, tears my heart into pieces, leaving larger pieces behind each time I leave.
My prayer is that everyone chooses to see the "It is well" in this life and let go and let your heart be broken for what breaks His and let your heart long for His desires. Even. Amid. Our. Stressors. Let go. This is for the lesson I pray on my own heart, as He has already blessed me and our RoMed team in the days leading up to our departure. I am so grateful. I feel like God has constantly used my life as a testament of slowing down, letting go and letting God. I'm proud to be His ever changing work in progress.
So, one week from today, I will be on my way to Arkansas to begin my trip with our amazing team on Friday. I ask for your prayers as everyone comes together to make this long journey. I pray that you prepare the hearts of our team stateside and abroad, as well as those we will touch through our work. I ask for a huge praise as 11 of our med suitcases have been waived of fees. It is such a huge stress of our team's and God is so very good for answering such a HUGE prayer. Next time I update you, I will be enroute to Romania or on it's beautiful soil!
Live. Laugh. Love and Let Go.