Home.

Home. I am sitting with a sleepy dog in my lap, enjoying a cup of coffee and watching the news today and just soaking in being back at home. There is something so nice about sitting and relaxing in YOUR home. But today, I sit here and I am missing home. Follow me for a few minutes.

Any person who has moved away from home will understand me when I say this: your home will always be different and separate from your home. I have our home here in Colorado. Jon and I love it here, our babies love it and we constantly talk about when our life in the military is no more and we finally settle down, that Colorado is at the top of our list to call "home." Then, Jon and I have two separate homes. This is the home that houses our families and some of our very closest friends. They are places that require quite a haul to visit but the distance becomes a vague memory the moment you step foot in the door. Through the door lies memories, love and comfort... all the things you crave when you're away. There is something romantic about going home because all the sounds, smells, tastes and feelings rush back to you as though you had never left. It's a relationship that you fall right back into. It's just special.

I took a 16 day trip back home to Arkansas and it was my first true "visit" since moving last November. It was a trip in which I had a couple different purposes for being there but no one large obligation to draw me in. I gained a new appreciation for my home after being gone for the past few months and coming back. You realize how precious your time is and stay careful in the ways that you utilize it. You become grossly aware of the people and things that are worth keeping in your life and those that are not. That may seem harsh, but it's true. In this trip, I was there for my sweet nephew's 2nd birthday, I had some great quality time with my 89 year old grandmother, I had one-on-one time with both of my parents (together and separately), I worked with my favorite co-workers, I got to go back to my hometown and see my very best friends and even snuggle on two brand new baby girls of two of my dearest friends. The only way to describe it was just... good. It was good for my soul. God only knew, I really needed it.

While I know that my home will always be where the military takes Jon and me, I will always have a longing for the familiar. I feel blessed that God entrusted Jon with a heart for the military, the want to make a difference and help others. I feel thankful that God gave me the heart to support and to love this lifestyle we are thrown into. My home formed me into that person. But, it is always the hardest for me to admit that I do have my days where I cry, I miss home, I miss having a girlfriend that I can call and you can bet we'll be meeting for lunch and dinner that night or I long to just drive to my parents house and just be. I was talking to one of my best friends about the struggles of military life and moving to a new place and a new base and having to uproot your life. All of these new transitions are riddled with a numerous amount of pros and unfortunately some cons. I described a military move as truly the worst aspects of the dating game or speed dating. You try to find the best things about a place only to realize no place is truly perfect. There will be things you don't like about any place, but on the flip side, you can always find some things you will love. You "church shop" until you find the right fit and hear God's calling to serve and join in that family of faith. You try to meet new friends but just when you think that "hey, I might have found one," you see that maybe that person wasn't even on the same page. Granted you have a constant friend in your spouse, but let's be honest... girls, you need at least one good girl friend! It's hard to find yourself in that place of loneliness and praying for the right friend to be brought into your life. But as sure as you are lonely, God will always provide those whom he sees fit for your life. Military wives, do you know what I mean? Do you find it hard to trust and know sometimes even when you think that you will forever sit at home with no friends? Some of my sweetest friends tho, God and the military led me to. I know they will be there no matter the PCS moves and the miles. I know God will be faithful and in due time provide those sweet friends with each move. All these things though that I just rambled off, bring you back to a place of being thankful for home where those wants and needs to love and feel accepted in a place far from home are grown.

A lot of people have told me that you will begin to look at home in a different light and pick up on different things each time you go back. This is so true. There were several things over the past couple of weeks that have touched me and queued some thoughts that I plan on sharing over the next couple of blogs. But today, I just simply wanted to write about home and how very special it is.

Live. Laugh. Love. & HOME. 

Melissa

The Sleeping Babe

Indescribable

Indescribable is the one adjective that can convey what I feel today. In the weeks leading up to Jon and I's "see you later," moment as he heads off to defend our great nation, several people say, "I don't know how you do it." Truth is... me neither, I just do. I just do because God placed me in this special position as a military spouse. I've said this several times but I know God gives military wives a special strength and love to make it through indescribable days likes today. I know the strength is there but today and mostly likely for the days ahead, I feel so weak. But even still, I know in my weakness God shows his strengths in me. I am thankful for that.

This is Jon's first deployment as an Aircraft Commander. For the non-military, he sits in the left pilot seat and is a leader on his plane to make decisions that are in the best interests for his crew. It is a position that is worked up to. His last deployment, he sat in the right co-pilot seat. Easy to get, right? :) I  knew this would be a nerve racking day for him and I truly was nervous for him too. Jon has always wanted to be an Air Force pilot. I knew that. But as we were sitting down last week and talking, he said I'm doing what I have always wanted to do. "What's that," I asked. My husband, much braver than I (it's easy to see) says, "Help lead brave men/women into combat." What a calling in life? I know he is not the only one with this calling... these amazing souls fill our armed services. I am lucky to call one of them my own.  As I watched my husband take to his roll and begin working out all these details that I know he was worried about, I watched him confidently lead. I couldn't have been more PROUD. In all of the heartache that I have felt today, PROUD is an emotion that has overwhelmed me. I hope that I have half of the heart and bravery that Jon has in life.

So, I am beginning this new phase of a new normal for the next 4-6 months. I appreciate the kind words and thoughts that have flooded me today. I am blessed beyond measure. I am re-doing a bible study I had started some months back that is called "Tour of Duty." It is meant for military wives who are dealing with deployments or preparing for them. I'll be sure to share some blessings from that as I begin.

Please be in prayer for the 10 guys on Jon's crew as they make their way to the Middle East  and their families left behind. Also, 80 other guys from Jon's squadron will be joining them and leave next week. Please be in prayer for these deployers and their families, as well.

Live. Laugh. Love.
Melissa

2012 about 8 months too late? Nah.

I have just realized that my blog post is about 3 months shy of being a year since I last posted. This means a few things: 1. I need to blog more. It's... therapeutic in a sense. 2. OMG it is 3 months until THANKSGIVING. It's almost holiday freak out time! 3. It marks my favorite time of the year... FALL! 4. A very sobering thought... Jon will be gone in just a matter of weeks for deployment and temporarily 1/2 of my heart will be missing for what is my favorite time of year.

So a lot has happened in 2012! Right before I had posted last time, my sister and her husband had discretely told our family that they were expecting! Excited didn't cover it and when I found out we had a sweet nephew on the way, our joy grew even more! On June 25th, Ethan Joseph made his early entrance into this world and was perfect from his sweet little face to his adorable little toes! The first time I held him, I couldn't help but think that this is God's perfect picture of innocence. This is how our Father sees us. He is such a precious blessing! Take a look....

Now, the Roe family had a little addition of their own just a month after the last blog post. Her name, Lucy Lu. A sweet bouncing baby... Boston Terrier. She has been hard work. I really didn't think a puppy would that much work but aren't great things worth a little hard work? :) Lucy has been such a great little companion and the cause of several of our good laughs. Jon and I often say, "We have no idea what we would do without Lucy." It's so true... she was the perfect addition for us for the time being! Enjoy some Lucy photos:

                                                      The first day we brought her home!

                                                          My three month old sweetie!!

                                      My super cute, quirky, gassy :) and hyper  9 month old!

Well besides the additions to the Simmons/Roe/DeCann families, my parents after 21 years in the home that I grew up in, moved to Bentonville where they are building a home. It is such a bitter sweet thing! The hard part is seeing your "home" of so many memories close it's doors to us and open them to a different family. But in a way, it is fitting to begin to fill a new home with new memories of ever growing families, grandbabies and new friends... that is the sweet part.

Well, I guess the part I have been avoiding. I have known for a while now that Jon would be making another deployment overseas. I have known it will be a long one. I have known that my family is no longer here to occupy the majority of my time. I have known that he'll be gone for our first anniversary, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have prayed for a while too about all of these things that I know and that I accept. I always tell myself it could be worse and that because of the timing, it'll go by quicker. But as one of my best friends has talked with me about, I truly have been in a sense of denial about it all. I have moments where I am strong and possibly that has been the "denial" of it all. I do not feel like it's denial (ha), but more not being honest with my feelings or letting myself experience them for what they really are. Aside from dampening my feelings, I feel like I am not letting myself experience the situation for what it really is... sad, lonely and just plain ugly. As the days are getting closer, I think I am beginning to finally experience raw emotions about it. Most of the time at inopportune moments but what can you do? Is that normal? Is there ever a normal in situations like these? Amidst the dim things that come with times like these, God has been faithful. I once read a military bible study in which the wife that wrote the study said to never fear because God knew that you would be a military wife, he knew you would go through heartache and loneliness and he will see you through it. He will give me peace in the days ahead, that I am sure of. He has provided me good friends, some of which who are in the same boat as me. So, I ask this... just be in prayer for Jon and the guys who are going with him. Pray that they keep the faith and the strength in God that they need to be successful.

With that, I am sure I'll be blogging more because I know it helps to just write it out for me. But also to document this experience in Jon and I's life and God's faithfulness to see us through it.

Live. Laugh. Love.

Melissa

A New Start and a Little Blogging Facelift!

Hey everyone! I seriously can't believe I haven't posted since January. It has been such a whirlwind year that can only be described as perfect. Isn't funny how the best things in life are the ones that are not apart of your plans. I think it is so true when they say that "You make plans and God laughs at them."

Through 2010, God took me through the most amazing journey. From teaching me how to trust and just "be," to graduating college and finding my first job; From meeting some really precious people and showing me Romania and what God has planned there, to beginning a relationship with my soul mate... my best friend... Jon.

As 2011 came, God has taken my heart and grown it in so many wonderful ways. In January, I found myself face to face with Jon and just knowing, he was it. God has blessed me with such an incredible person and on April 27, Jon asked me to be his wife. Finally, on October 8, I became a Roe. It was such a WONDERFUL day. I can honestly say (after so many wedding day horror stories!) our day was perfect for us. Yes, little things went array (like anything in life) but they were indeed little. Thank you to all who made our day so special.

So, now that I feel we are "updated" and I am sure I'll write more about the wedding day and share some photos from Kristina Eisenhower Photography... now to share some of her newlywed adventures.

The day after the wedding, I woke up with this headache and really wasn't feeling to great. Sadly, my "not feeling great" showed in the form of hugging the porcelain throne. That's all I'll say. Ha Ha. From getting sick while trying to get ready for our post-wedding day brunch at my parents and also on the way there, finally a sweet friend and her mother had the most wonderful thing ever... a Zoforan (anti-nausea pill). Luckily, I made it! We then honeymooned to the AMAZING Punta Cana, Dominican Republic Dreams Resort. (Highly recommend it to everyone!) Upon our arrival back home (plus 5 days), Jon came down with some really bad sickness. After a not so fun couple of days, doctor visit and finally an ER visit, we found out he had E-Coli. It was very scary but luckily, he is feeling much better.

I have made the joke to a lot of my patients, "We are testing our vows early." But what I have been told repeatedly, a marriage that is not the easiest in the beginning is going to be a great marriage. Based on the fun we have and just enjoying these days, I think they are right.

I know I didn't write of anything of much interest but more to come (as a promise to blog more!) Next time, you will learn about my new obsession but I'll post a clue:

http://www.evitaminstore.com/Juicing-for-Life-by-Cherie-Calbom-127797.html

But for now, it's bed time for this working girl.
Live. Laugh. Love.

Melissa