Indescribable

Indescribable is the one adjective that can convey what I feel today. In the weeks leading up to Jon and I's "see you later," moment as he heads off to defend our great nation, several people say, "I don't know how you do it." Truth is... me neither, I just do. I just do because God placed me in this special position as a military spouse. I've said this several times but I know God gives military wives a special strength and love to make it through indescribable days likes today. I know the strength is there but today and mostly likely for the days ahead, I feel so weak. But even still, I know in my weakness God shows his strengths in me. I am thankful for that.

This is Jon's first deployment as an Aircraft Commander. For the non-military, he sits in the left pilot seat and is a leader on his plane to make decisions that are in the best interests for his crew. It is a position that is worked up to. His last deployment, he sat in the right co-pilot seat. Easy to get, right? :) I  knew this would be a nerve racking day for him and I truly was nervous for him too. Jon has always wanted to be an Air Force pilot. I knew that. But as we were sitting down last week and talking, he said I'm doing what I have always wanted to do. "What's that," I asked. My husband, much braver than I (it's easy to see) says, "Help lead brave men/women into combat." What a calling in life? I know he is not the only one with this calling... these amazing souls fill our armed services. I am lucky to call one of them my own.  As I watched my husband take to his roll and begin working out all these details that I know he was worried about, I watched him confidently lead. I couldn't have been more PROUD. In all of the heartache that I have felt today, PROUD is an emotion that has overwhelmed me. I hope that I have half of the heart and bravery that Jon has in life.

So, I am beginning this new phase of a new normal for the next 4-6 months. I appreciate the kind words and thoughts that have flooded me today. I am blessed beyond measure. I am re-doing a bible study I had started some months back that is called "Tour of Duty." It is meant for military wives who are dealing with deployments or preparing for them. I'll be sure to share some blessings from that as I begin.

Please be in prayer for the 10 guys on Jon's crew as they make their way to the Middle East  and their families left behind. Also, 80 other guys from Jon's squadron will be joining them and leave next week. Please be in prayer for these deployers and their families, as well.

Live. Laugh. Love.
Melissa

It is well.

Here I am, again! I think I am having a posting frequency rate 100% better than the past? What do you think? Ha! I am currently in Kansas City for my nephew, Ethan's, baptism tomorrow! I can't believe the little guy is coming up on 2 months old! It is so crazy how time flies and even more crazy at the amount of love I have for this sweet boy! By the way, since I have began a photo journey with my new wonderful trusty camera, with my main subject being Ethan, I made shutterfly photoblog. Now, it is titled "Melroe's Place Photography," and one might say, she is not a photographer. You are correct, I am not. But it is the photography extension of my blog, so you get the name! I hope you enjoy like I do, here is the link to my photoblog. It is a little bare because I am just getting it started.

After a full day of travel, it was such a welcomed sight to see Jessica, Pat and Ethan!  Everyone is doing well, and Ethan.... let's just say he is wonderful and precious as ever. God has really blessed them with a GREAT baby and in turn blessed Ethan with amazing parents! It is such an honor to be the God Mother to him and be apart of his Baptism! I will be sure to post a lot of pictures very soon! We got some excellent pictures tonight! The moment I pulled out my camera and began gushing over him, he let the sweetest smile slip across is perfect face and I got to have that as my first snap shot! I always knew he was a big fan of his "Auntie!"

Unfortunately, due to Jon's leave date being so soon, he was unable to come. I know he was just as crushed as I was that he couldn't. But that is the nature of the beast, right? I drove up to Bentonville alone to meet my parents and did my usual "radio surfing" as I like to call it. I seek for different channels and will stop when a song catches my ear and move on when I get bored. It does help pass the time surprisingly. Those of you who know me and my obsession of music, time alone in the car means one thing... jam out time! Well, this time I got bored with surfing for tunes and resorted to my CD case that I have had since about end of junior high... a case shaped like a cheeseburger. It is quite unforgettable. Anyway! I pulled out a CD randomly and it was an unmarked burnt CD (man, what happened to the days where that was a thrill!). I popped it in. The first song was Selah's rendition of the hymn, "It is Well." I listened to their beautiful harmonies fill the car and the words began to just flood over me. I have read the story about the composer of the hymn and the meaning behind it and meditated on it. Long story short: A gentleman who was immigrating from Europe to America enduring a lot of hardships and tragedies during his voyage and he wrote "It is Well" in the wake of his suffering. I really encourage you to research it. You can gather the meaning of the hymn based on the lyrics but to know the story makes it sink in. The beauty of music is that each listener will take away a different interpretation of the song based on their life experiences, current circumstances and personalities. No different realization happened in my car this morning. God overwhelmed me with peace about this upcoming deployment as though he was saying to me, "It will be okay. I am in control." For that moment, it was "well" with my soul. After I was finished repeating the song a couple of times, I went back to my radio brigade and landed on the christian station. I love NWA, they have a TON of Christian stations! The song, "White Flag" by Chris Tomlin (I believe) was on and has been one of my favorites. It is about surrender to Jesus. Again, I felt as though He was telling me to surrender my anxiety and that it would be okay. I was blessed today to have those moments in the car. God is good, all the time, he is good.

With that, I am going to bed! Live. Laugh. Love.

Melissa

2012 about 8 months too late? Nah.

I have just realized that my blog post is about 3 months shy of being a year since I last posted. This means a few things: 1. I need to blog more. It's... therapeutic in a sense. 2. OMG it is 3 months until THANKSGIVING. It's almost holiday freak out time! 3. It marks my favorite time of the year... FALL! 4. A very sobering thought... Jon will be gone in just a matter of weeks for deployment and temporarily 1/2 of my heart will be missing for what is my favorite time of year.

So a lot has happened in 2012! Right before I had posted last time, my sister and her husband had discretely told our family that they were expecting! Excited didn't cover it and when I found out we had a sweet nephew on the way, our joy grew even more! On June 25th, Ethan Joseph made his early entrance into this world and was perfect from his sweet little face to his adorable little toes! The first time I held him, I couldn't help but think that this is God's perfect picture of innocence. This is how our Father sees us. He is such a precious blessing! Take a look....

Now, the Roe family had a little addition of their own just a month after the last blog post. Her name, Lucy Lu. A sweet bouncing baby... Boston Terrier. She has been hard work. I really didn't think a puppy would that much work but aren't great things worth a little hard work? :) Lucy has been such a great little companion and the cause of several of our good laughs. Jon and I often say, "We have no idea what we would do without Lucy." It's so true... she was the perfect addition for us for the time being! Enjoy some Lucy photos:

                                                      The first day we brought her home!

                                                          My three month old sweetie!!

                                      My super cute, quirky, gassy :) and hyper  9 month old!

Well besides the additions to the Simmons/Roe/DeCann families, my parents after 21 years in the home that I grew up in, moved to Bentonville where they are building a home. It is such a bitter sweet thing! The hard part is seeing your "home" of so many memories close it's doors to us and open them to a different family. But in a way, it is fitting to begin to fill a new home with new memories of ever growing families, grandbabies and new friends... that is the sweet part.

Well, I guess the part I have been avoiding. I have known for a while now that Jon would be making another deployment overseas. I have known it will be a long one. I have known that my family is no longer here to occupy the majority of my time. I have known that he'll be gone for our first anniversary, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have prayed for a while too about all of these things that I know and that I accept. I always tell myself it could be worse and that because of the timing, it'll go by quicker. But as one of my best friends has talked with me about, I truly have been in a sense of denial about it all. I have moments where I am strong and possibly that has been the "denial" of it all. I do not feel like it's denial (ha), but more not being honest with my feelings or letting myself experience them for what they really are. Aside from dampening my feelings, I feel like I am not letting myself experience the situation for what it really is... sad, lonely and just plain ugly. As the days are getting closer, I think I am beginning to finally experience raw emotions about it. Most of the time at inopportune moments but what can you do? Is that normal? Is there ever a normal in situations like these? Amidst the dim things that come with times like these, God has been faithful. I once read a military bible study in which the wife that wrote the study said to never fear because God knew that you would be a military wife, he knew you would go through heartache and loneliness and he will see you through it. He will give me peace in the days ahead, that I am sure of. He has provided me good friends, some of which who are in the same boat as me. So, I ask this... just be in prayer for Jon and the guys who are going with him. Pray that they keep the faith and the strength in God that they need to be successful.

With that, I am sure I'll be blogging more because I know it helps to just write it out for me. But also to document this experience in Jon and I's life and God's faithfulness to see us through it.

Live. Laugh. Love.

Melissa