Hello all! In true Melissa fashion, its been forever since I have blogged. As you can imagine, dental school has continued to a consumer of my time. It still remains one of the toughest things I have gone through but one of the greatest journeys I have walked. Third year has been a time for me to "slow" a bit because my primary focus is patient care in the clinic. It often feels like an 8-5 job, which a nice change of pace from the constant classroom time and studying. I have missed patient care greatly since leaving hygiene and I love being back in that realm. It's hard to believe that I am months away from starting my last year as a D4!
While my absence in blogging does stem from "dental school life", it also comes from an intentional place. To be honest, over the last year, I wrote and rewrote several blog posts to talk about life happenings but each time set it aside because I felt I couldn't find the right words, it wasn't fun to talk about the hard stuff and feeling (for lack of a better term) silly for sharing the portions of my life because I know so many going through far greater tribulations than myself. But as I leave 2019 behind me (the year of being fearless), I look into 2020 with a new word: gratitude. By definition, gratitude holds different connotations. It is the "quality of being thankful" but also means to be ready to show appreciation and return kindness. I wish to focus my 2020 on that, taking more time to realize my blessings and be grateful and to show little acts of kindness to others. With that, I think it's important to share if not anything for self reflection of how far the Lord (and all of my amazing friends and family) has carried me over the last year (and then some). I'll try to be brief but I think if you've read and followed me long enough, it likely be long.
I'll back waaayyy (not really) up into my 2nd year in 2018. My word for the year was intentional. Head back to that blog to read up what that meant for me in living a more purposeful life. Little did I know when I chose that word, I would be finding myself living in simple ways to just get by. The end of 2018 would lead into my fearless 2019 as I worked to reclaim what was taken from me in a matter of moments. I would put that word to the test at the beginning of 2019 when I was uncertain about what was happening with my own body and why was this all happening. So with that, here we go.
2018: I started out D2 year strong. I was determined to tackle it head on and with force because I knew the year would be a force in itself. I didn't dare get behind on any project, I made it a mission to get adequate sleep each night (much different from D1 year), and I had started working out each morning. It was going really well for me and I felt like I had it together. Then one morning in early October happened. I slept in this particular morning instead of waking up to go work out at my 5:30 a.m. class. I was in a dead sleep when in my mind I thought I heard a something. I told myself that I was dreaming, that it couldn't be what I thought it was. I don't know what time lapsed from those initial thoughts but it was almost like a ton of bricks fell on me as I woke very quickly when I realized that no, this was very real. A woman was screaming for help outside (in what seemed like the parking lot just outside my window... I'll learn later that this wasn't the case). I can't describe the sheer volume she screamed at but it was desperate. I'll spare the heartbreaking details of her cries but it was evident she was being hurt and she was begging for help. I grabbed my firearm and I began to dial 9-1-1... quite hysterically. I shut off all the lights and tried to peer out my blinds to see anything but it was DARK. It almost felt like the street lights were not even on (although I know they had to be). I just remember darkness and helplessness as I talked to the dispatcher. I continued to describe what this woman was screaming into the darkness, feeling more and more sick and helpless that there was nothing I could do for her. I still can't describe that feeling of listening to someone being hurt and I don't think I ever will. And then the worst happened... silence. In my mind, in that moment, that silence consumed everything. It robbed me of any peace and security I had in my safe apartment. I later found out that that it wasn't a random attack in my parking lot like I thought but rather a domestic violence incident in the apartment complex that neighbors my apartment complex. Luckily, that young woman was going to be ok but that moment affected me deeply. It would be months before I was able to leave my apartment before it was light out to go to the gym or even to get to school early, sleep without being terrified of hearing something, and stop having nightmares of her voice. It'll be something that lives with me forever but over the 2019, I learned to wade through the feelings of confusion for being so effected by something that didn't happen to me but rather experienced this awful moment. I saw the other side of it through a lot of prayer, reading my bible and self reflection in where and with whom my true security lies. As I said, this prompted my word of 2019: fearless, as I was determined to not let that moment continue to define me and my year.
After the incident occurred, I did begin to experience some health issues but I attributed most everything to the post trauma of that experience and D2 year being stressful and consuming. Beyond being too scared to work out in the mornings, what work outs I did in the day time became very difficult for me. It was almost if my body was saying "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!" and would be very sick for days after a simple work out. I had a lot of tearful talks with Jon (who is my angel and rock through these very difficult times) that I was so tired and it wasn't just your "oh I'm really tired because I am a dental student and going through a lot," that it had to be something more. But I brushed it off and said I just needed to get to break. I made it to Thanksgiving and Christmas break, continued to work through my anxiety and everything D2 year was throwing at me. I had such precious time with my family and I knew it would get better. I felt better and I was determined to start off my new year fearless and in a better place. It was a conscious effort and I couldn't have done it without my family and my friends who knew about everything happening constantly checking in on me and uplifting me. I can never convey my gratitude for everything everyone did for me. How can thank people for saving you? You simply can't but thank you.
2019: And then January happened. One day I noticed my tongue went numb and I felt that maybe I had burnt it... no big deal. Then two days later, my palate went numb. As a dental professional, yes this peaked my interest and worry. I tried to just pass it off as a fluke until the following day my upper lip and tip of my nose went numb. At the urging of a couple of my instructors (and my own worry), I visited the ER (big shout out to my in laws who spent the night with me there... I can't ever repay you). The ER doctor passed me off as a stressed dental student and that stress can do weird things to the body. I felt somewhat relieved but it didn't add up for me because it was new and I knew it wasn't normal. Side note: trust your instincts on your health. It was visit to our school dental clinic and a conversation with one of our specialists that suggested a visit my PCP and the word autoimmune was first said. After a couple of visits with a provider who I wasn't even supposed to see (she is a true angel) and a lot of blood work, I finally got the call around my 31st birthday that I did indeed have an autoimmune disease: autoimmune thyroiditis. Thankfully, I fell into the very early stages of it, meaning I had over double the amount of Thyroglobulin antibodies in my system and my body was basically attacking my thyroid. After everything, it did make me sad for my "new norm" and what that would mean moving forward in all aspects of my life, but I kept reminding myself that there is a purpose in what God has had me go through. I still cling to that, although it may not be fully realized for a while. Even in the depths of those dark moments of fear and uncertainty, I'm grateful for the road I walked. Luckily, my thyroid levels were still unaffected (so we really do not know if I have hyper- Graves or hypo-Hashimoto, but all my signs have pointed to Hashimotos) and it was thankfully caught early because now we know what to look for when the time comes. I will have routine blood work done to check for changes in my antibody levels and thyroid levels a couple times each year for the rest of my life. I started a big over haul of my diet to held reduce inflammation in my body. I have been so fortunate to have health care providers who listened to me and supported my decision to start my "healing" with diet. It isn't the easiest lifestyle change when you are a foodie. Ha. I had to work hard at making sure I kept my stress low and sleep a lot more. It slowed me down a lot from my normal. But, I am so thankful to report that my blood work completed in November showed my antibody levels were still high but they were at the high end of NORMAL. I'll take it!
My husband has been my constant through this... even dropping everything to fly out with me after my ER visit, amongst his busy schedule. He has advocated for my health when I felt like giving up. When I say I couldn't do it without him, I truly mean it.
I look back now at how those months tried every fiber of my being. I consider myself a fairly strong and independent person but I was reduced to someone too scared to leave my little apartment if the sun hadn't started piercing the day... it wasn't happening, or if it did, I had to call or FaceTime Jon to do it. I was a person who ran countless miles and half marathons, hiked 14,000 foot mountains and found my zen in those things but I could barely run a mile. It made no sense to me and in those times in trying to wrap my head around it all, became very defeating and overwhelming. I have such an incredible tribe of family and friends who carried me through these valleys. Again, thank you will never be enough. I am grateful for 2018 and 2019, even the dark days. I am thankful God picked me to walk through those valleys. It's made me a better person, made me relish the mountain tops greater, and further more, it's made me a better practitioner/dentist. So, if you feel confused as to why God is having you walk the bumpy road you are on, look beyond the "why" and embrace the steps as they come. Let them slow you down, grow you and make you thankful for the lessons that are not seen just yet.
Live. Love. Gratitude.
Melissa
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Intentional.
Well, its New Years Eve and I wonder how this year already came and went so quickly. Last New Years Eve, I spent it with Jon and we were talking about how 2017 would be one of the biggest years of our lives. That statement couldn't have been more right. Recap: I was commissioned into the Air Force, Jon promoted to Major, I became an Aunt to my very first niece, I broke my arm during a fall while hiking (insert irony), Jon finished a long but awesome year as Aide de Camp to USAFA's 19th Superintendent, I packed all my things to move to Arizona (one armed... apply irony), started dental school at Midwestern, Jon deployed and continues to thrive and lead, and I've completed half of my first year of dental school. Whew. It's been an incredibly blessed year.
While it has been blessed, our worlds have been tipped on their sides this year in ways that we could have never imagined, even just 4 years ago as we spent our first New Year's in Colorado. God has grown us and stretched us to prepare us for this season and I know that four year New Years Eves from now, we'll look back and see the purpose in this journey we are walking. Now, that sounds elegant and great, like I have it all together but we all know that isn't true... I'm human. While I submit fully to God's calling (like anyone) it's not perfect or glamorous a lot of days in how I handle everything. There are days where I question everything, cry, miss Jon so bad... I'd just about do anything to have a hug from him, feel lonely, and wonder why the plan doesn't look like what I pictured in my head. Example, tonight, instead of being Arizona and spending time with my friends to bring in the new year, I am still in Arkansas and spending a night in (too sick to fly) nursing a gnarly sinus infection. While I know I would have had a great time, I'm not mad, I know I needed the rest and extra time with my family.
My detour of plans for the past couple of days got me thinking about my new year and what word will represent my year. Some of y'all know that I'm not really a resolution type gal. I read somewhere that less than 10% of people actually follow through with their resolutions... I believe it. It's hard to keep up with blanket goals, although the end goal is to improve life in some way shape or form, when life hits (and not I'm not knocking anyone who does them but they are not for me). So, through inspiration from a dear friend of mine (she'll know who she is... HI!), I choose to represent my year with a word so that I can try and apply it to all facets of my life. If you find that resolutions don't work for you either, I encourage you to do this!
I think the perfect word to represent my year is intentional. This comes from a place of learning that I've experienced this year mostly starting when I broke my arm and even until now (and I'm sure it will forever be a learning process). I've always have tried to be intentional or purposeful with my life and what I do with it but let's be honest, sometimes life happens (like it always does) and I get bogged down with details and things that don't matter. When I was reduced to one arm and not being able to really do much of anything, it (literally) slowed me down and knocked me down a couple of much needed pegs to let me know that I wasn't in control when I very much "needed" and wanted to be. I needed that reality check before dental school badly and that lesson has served me well as I've been enduring it. Between school, dealing with a deployment, and life never stopping for anything, I've been able to see when things need to fall of the plate, who to surround myself with, what to give my time to, and what fills my soul up and what doesn't. It's been one of the hardest lesson for this control and order lover to learn but it's been humbling, so this year, I am making a point to be intentional with my time, my heart, my thoughts, my words, and abilities. I think we could all use a little bit of it in our lives so that we can see the bigger picture, and ultimately God's blessings, big and small.
Live. Love. Be Intentional.
Melissa
While it has been blessed, our worlds have been tipped on their sides this year in ways that we could have never imagined, even just 4 years ago as we spent our first New Year's in Colorado. God has grown us and stretched us to prepare us for this season and I know that four year New Years Eves from now, we'll look back and see the purpose in this journey we are walking. Now, that sounds elegant and great, like I have it all together but we all know that isn't true... I'm human. While I submit fully to God's calling (like anyone) it's not perfect or glamorous a lot of days in how I handle everything. There are days where I question everything, cry, miss Jon so bad... I'd just about do anything to have a hug from him, feel lonely, and wonder why the plan doesn't look like what I pictured in my head. Example, tonight, instead of being Arizona and spending time with my friends to bring in the new year, I am still in Arkansas and spending a night in (too sick to fly) nursing a gnarly sinus infection. While I know I would have had a great time, I'm not mad, I know I needed the rest and extra time with my family.
My detour of plans for the past couple of days got me thinking about my new year and what word will represent my year. Some of y'all know that I'm not really a resolution type gal. I read somewhere that less than 10% of people actually follow through with their resolutions... I believe it. It's hard to keep up with blanket goals, although the end goal is to improve life in some way shape or form, when life hits (and not I'm not knocking anyone who does them but they are not for me). So, through inspiration from a dear friend of mine (she'll know who she is... HI!), I choose to represent my year with a word so that I can try and apply it to all facets of my life. If you find that resolutions don't work for you either, I encourage you to do this!
I think the perfect word to represent my year is intentional. This comes from a place of learning that I've experienced this year mostly starting when I broke my arm and even until now (and I'm sure it will forever be a learning process). I've always have tried to be intentional or purposeful with my life and what I do with it but let's be honest, sometimes life happens (like it always does) and I get bogged down with details and things that don't matter. When I was reduced to one arm and not being able to really do much of anything, it (literally) slowed me down and knocked me down a couple of much needed pegs to let me know that I wasn't in control when I very much "needed" and wanted to be. I needed that reality check before dental school badly and that lesson has served me well as I've been enduring it. Between school, dealing with a deployment, and life never stopping for anything, I've been able to see when things need to fall of the plate, who to surround myself with, what to give my time to, and what fills my soul up and what doesn't. It's been one of the hardest lesson for this control and order lover to learn but it's been humbling, so this year, I am making a point to be intentional with my time, my heart, my thoughts, my words, and abilities. I think we could all use a little bit of it in our lives so that we can see the bigger picture, and ultimately God's blessings, big and small.
Live. Love. Be Intentional.
Melissa
Thursday, November 23, 2017
Finding Thanks in Emptiness
Now, you are probably reading the title to this and thinking something along the lines of what is she getting at here or negativity on this day of thanks? I knew I had a tug on my heart (as I do with anything written on this blog) to write a Thanksgiving post but I struggled with a few things. I've struggled with laying the honest depths of my heart out for the world to see in this season of life. I've struggled with sharing my thoughts and sounding ungrateful or dramatic like my problems are worse than someone else's. I've struggled with baring where I'm at and someone thinking I need sympathy and yes... the dreaded "you chose this" line. I've had a great rest from my first quarter of dental school, an awesome visit back home with my family, and a very blessed thanksgiving with my family celebrating my Grandmother who will be 93 years young on Monday. As I sat with my family, having a deployed spouse and a seat missing an incredible woman at our table... my Aunt Sandy, I actually let my heart ache and acknowledge the feeling I've felt a lot as we enter this holiday season. I realized that the emptiness I felt, the feelings I feel and the things that I struggle with are not unique or abnormal. They are real and raw, and thats ok.
There's somebody reading this right now who felt empty today. It doesn't mean you do not give thanks for the things that you have or were not thankful to be with family. The reasons for emptiness can be numerous: maybe your loved one is far away, maybe they have passed away, you are estranged from them. Maybe they're deployed. Maybe you are dealing with unbearable pain or an illness, maybe you are worrying about how your next bills are going to get paid, etc. Regardless of the reason, as lonely as it feels, you are not alone in the depths of that emptiness. I see you and from one empty soul who is still thankful to another, its ok.
On a more personal note, I was talking with Jon tonight about this deployment and how its been incredibly different than any one we have ever experienced on many levels and on both sides. That can apply to so many things in life. Emptiness and loneliness have been one of my greatest struggles this go around and that's an extremely hard thing to admit. As a military spouse, you always wish to be resilient, brave, on-top-of-it, and strong for you know you are supporting someone who needs it greatly. Don't we all wish to be those things in life too... to always have "it" together? God has worked on my heart and continues to work on my heart in this. I've had to step back, pair down, and admit the ugly "I can't" more than I care to admit with juggling dental school and deployment. I haven't had the care packages sent out that I meticulously planned out before school to "save me some time," because I haven't had the time. (insert still feel like the worst wife ever that I'm just now getting them out-ha). I've had to be absent with my parents as they have visited because the tests kept coming. In the midst of those feelings of inadequacy and defeat, as I'm sure any one of us have felt as some point in time, I choose to learn and be thankful for this season. Thankful for having an incredible and understanding husband who gets me. Thankful to have parents who will go to the ends of the Earth to help me and understand as I sit there for hours listening to lectures on 2x the speed with head phones on. I do have a lot to be thankful for!
Jon and I have said a lot that everything in life is a season... this one is just a little more difficult. But God. God asks us to lay these difficult seasons in his care. He has a lesson waiting in the midst of the deepest emptiness, the feelings of inadequacy, the tired, the pain, the "why's"... everything. That is one thing that I do know and I am so thankful for.
Live, Love, and Finding Thanks in Emptiness.
Melissa
There's somebody reading this right now who felt empty today. It doesn't mean you do not give thanks for the things that you have or were not thankful to be with family. The reasons for emptiness can be numerous: maybe your loved one is far away, maybe they have passed away, you are estranged from them. Maybe they're deployed. Maybe you are dealing with unbearable pain or an illness, maybe you are worrying about how your next bills are going to get paid, etc. Regardless of the reason, as lonely as it feels, you are not alone in the depths of that emptiness. I see you and from one empty soul who is still thankful to another, its ok.
On a more personal note, I was talking with Jon tonight about this deployment and how its been incredibly different than any one we have ever experienced on many levels and on both sides. That can apply to so many things in life. Emptiness and loneliness have been one of my greatest struggles this go around and that's an extremely hard thing to admit. As a military spouse, you always wish to be resilient, brave, on-top-of-it, and strong for you know you are supporting someone who needs it greatly. Don't we all wish to be those things in life too... to always have "it" together? God has worked on my heart and continues to work on my heart in this. I've had to step back, pair down, and admit the ugly "I can't" more than I care to admit with juggling dental school and deployment. I haven't had the care packages sent out that I meticulously planned out before school to "save me some time," because I haven't had the time. (insert still feel like the worst wife ever that I'm just now getting them out-ha). I've had to be absent with my parents as they have visited because the tests kept coming. In the midst of those feelings of inadequacy and defeat, as I'm sure any one of us have felt as some point in time, I choose to learn and be thankful for this season. Thankful for having an incredible and understanding husband who gets me. Thankful to have parents who will go to the ends of the Earth to help me and understand as I sit there for hours listening to lectures on 2x the speed with head phones on. I do have a lot to be thankful for!
Jon and I have said a lot that everything in life is a season... this one is just a little more difficult. But God. God asks us to lay these difficult seasons in his care. He has a lesson waiting in the midst of the deepest emptiness, the feelings of inadequacy, the tired, the pain, the "why's"... everything. That is one thing that I do know and I am so thankful for.
Live, Love, and Finding Thanks in Emptiness.
Melissa
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
New Beginnings
Real talk. This blog has taken me almost a month to write due to my schedule. So, those following me along on this journey, my wish to blog frequently, will be no small job. However, I will always do my best to keep you up to date on our happenings.
First, Hi! How are you? I feel like I've fallen off the wagon on keeping up with everyone, and for that I apologize. I'm hoping normalcy will slowly find it's way back to me as I settle in. I just completed (and passed... hallelujah) my first course in dental school: basic science or what we refer to as "BASI." We have a full year of these courses... so, 1/25 of the way done with my D1 year. Small. Victories.
Now, to write about what's been going on and what has been on my heart. Since moving to Arizona a month ago, the constant theme of purpose has flooded my life from every angle. We often make plans for ourselves but God usually laughs at them and my story is no different. But every turn that went differently than what I had planned, has yielded great purpose, even early on in my journey. Whether it be my living situation, my school, my friends... I see the why in my circumstance of being here. It's an important grounding factor when times have been tough and it is a great reminder of His grace in every facet of my life.
When people ask how dental school is going, I laugh. Again... real talk... it is one of the most challenging things I have done (and I'm only almost a month in). It's not that the material itself is challenging... its the sheer volume of everything thrown at you. It stretches you in ways that you couldn't imagine and it's crazy to think that at the end of these four long years, you'll be a dentist and they (Midwestern) are shaping you with purpose every step of the way. I have to remind myself of that. Instead of boring you with describing dental school, I have decided to create a top 10 of things I have learned almost a month into my D1 (1st) year. Will this list change and grown? Absolutely. So will I (and I hope I do). Do I have it figured out? Nope. These are just some personal observations of dental school from my perspective... enjoy.
1. Difficulty is fluid. What is hard for one person may be the easiest piece of the puzzle for somebody else... and that is ok! Like I said, dental school is hard, y'all. But as with anything in life, it is a pendulum... so I am learning. With that being said, your strength will be in a place where you weren't expecting it, so share it. My class should get an award for how amazing and helpful they are to one another. I'm super thankful for them because when things get tough, everyone jumps in to help.
2. True balance is a fabled unicorn. You'll hear about "finding balance" a lot during your orientation. Granted, I am only a few weeks in but my balance has already looked different from day to day and week to week. It depends on the day, my mood, what I have due or what I need to study. No, i'm not saying don't find balance. When you think to yourself: Yes! This is how my week will go because I wrote down my schedule in my super expensive beautiful planner in twenty five different colors... the master schedule changes or your time simply gets consumed with something you didn't write in periwinkle purple. The take away: instead of chasing balance for a quarter... chase balance that is attainable for the day that will make you the most successful (and happy).
3. Take it as it comes. I feel like this goes hand in hand with finding your daily balance. The pile of stuff waiting on you doesn't change... ever. It's still there and the fire hose of information keeps spraying on (at full blast). Side note: my other favorite analogy is everything on fire and your tool to put it out: a water gun. Not a super soaker... but you know the "pew pew" lever action water gun the size of my hand. Any who, the concept of how you eat an elephant applies here... one bite at a time. Prioritizing is key for survival and while some may take it a day at a time, I find that taking in an hour at a time (literally) is how I keep a smile on my face and avoid feeling overwhelmed every moment of the day.
4. Receive it all will a smile. Trust me, I know no one is truly smiling when a semester of intense biochemistry material has been shoved in your face in the span of a week to make for the hardest exam of the quarter (can you say 20 point curve). But when that's over, smile... you made it, you did it, go have a coffee... or maybe something stronger (ha). Positivity goes a long way not only in school but in life and any victory, no matter how small, is a victory. Be proud and smile.
5. Be open. Dental school is a different type of animal. You've been dreaming of getting started and feel like you know what you are getting yourself into. To a point, you do. But when you finally get there, you're thrown "in the wild" with 140 of your survival mates and newest best friends to endure everything together. You're learning about your classmates, how to study huge volumes of material (reference point number 4), and how to find the time to have somewhat of a social life. It'll stretch you, tire you, and push your abilities beyond what you thought they could go. Be open to change and to adapting, I feel like it will be key for growing in the chaos and not letting it grow on you.
6. Self comparison is destructive. People will be better at things than you... I feel like that applies to life in general. You will be better at things that others may struggle with. Comparing yourself to your classmates will do nothing more than waste your time (it is pretty precious) and drag your confidence down. My class is full of pretty incredible people with a lot of different talents. Rather than self comparison to their great talents, I hope that they can help teach and sharpen me in areas that I may lack and vice versa. That is more time efficient that exploring everything you did worst than everyone else... as Sweet Brown says "Ain't nobody got time for that."
7. Get involved. I was apprehensive about this one but getting involved to your comfort level, is a good thing! When you are in a lecture or lab roughly 32 hours a week and hope to study for at least 20 to prepare for the next week's exams, your free time seems best used trying to... you know... live. Yes, sleep is important. Yes, going to work out is important. However, putting yourself out there and getting involved in clubs, class council, and volunteer opportunities, forces you to step away from the grind and do something different. As I have already learned by getting involved, you meet some pretty wonderful people.
8. Remember what you are working towards. This is probably one of the biggest points that has stuck out to me. This has been a hard one for me because I'm firmly ensconced in the average category when it comes to basic sciences. While I've had difficulty in the simulation lab (cue waxed teeth flying through the air and breaking right before grading... yup), its where I'd rather be and that reflects in my work. It's easy to get tunnel vision and think if I don't make this A in BASI, I'll never be a good dentist. I'm still working on this one because it's hard to give 110% and only receive back 50%. However, making an A in BASI may help me pass my boards and get me to a residency but it will not make me a great dentist. One of my bench instructors who graduated from MWU two years ago discussed this with me. He asked me how I felt about my first ever composite I just created (also drilled for the first time yesterday... super exciting) as he sat down to grade me. I said I felt great about it and I wished dental school was just this because BASI was killing me. He agreed with me that I did a good job and said that moments like this will make me a great dentist... not BASI. I needed that. While BASI is apart of this journey, there's something greater that is waiting to serve as a reminder of why I am doing what I am doing.
9. Don't forget about your most valuable asset: You. When you are incredibly busy but you want to get involved (see 7) and do everything else under the sun, sometimes you can fall by the wayside. There's something to be said for a full night sleep, a fed body, and a peaceful mind. I should probably eat my words here too because I find that this is a struggle. One of my good friends recently posted the quote "You can't pour from an empty cup," and that is so true, especially in dental school. Sure, can we survive on 8 hours of sleep in 2 days, eating quick meals to constitute eating, and go for the pool for an hour to clear our minds? Sure (guilty, again, I'll eat my words). The real question is what your doing fulfilling you in a way that you can give your best into what your doing. If the answer is no, find a way to focus on you and make that a yes. Your sanity and success depends on it.
10. Enjoy (and be grateful) for the ride, no matter how bumpy it may be. On the last day of our orientation, our dean talked about what it meant to be sitting in the seats we were in. He talked about giving all to this process and learning to enjoy every moment. He also said that for all 141 of us sitting in that room, there were 25 people who wanted my seat. Think about that...25 people wanted my seat... times 141 seats. Thats 3,525 people who weren't sitting in those seats living their dream at such an incredible school. Talk about humbling and a reminder of being grateful for your circumstance and new beginnings. Although it's already been hard and I would be lying if I said I didn't question if I was good enough to be sitting in my seat from time to time, I am so grateful for the struggle, the highs, and my surroundings.
That same day, all 141 of us stood up one by one and told our story to introduce ourselves to the people we would be spending the next four years with. I was so awestruck and humbled to be standing among such amazing individuals, that I didn't realize this took hours. Everyone has a unique walk in life and brings something different to the table... and I have enjoyed and will continue to enjoy this ride called dental school with them.
Update: I have attached some photos of my past few weeks as a fun little addition to the blog!
Live. Laugh. New Beginnings.
Melissa
First, Hi! How are you? I feel like I've fallen off the wagon on keeping up with everyone, and for that I apologize. I'm hoping normalcy will slowly find it's way back to me as I settle in. I just completed (and passed... hallelujah) my first course in dental school: basic science or what we refer to as "BASI." We have a full year of these courses... so, 1/25 of the way done with my D1 year. Small. Victories.
Now, to write about what's been going on and what has been on my heart. Since moving to Arizona a month ago, the constant theme of purpose has flooded my life from every angle. We often make plans for ourselves but God usually laughs at them and my story is no different. But every turn that went differently than what I had planned, has yielded great purpose, even early on in my journey. Whether it be my living situation, my school, my friends... I see the why in my circumstance of being here. It's an important grounding factor when times have been tough and it is a great reminder of His grace in every facet of my life.
When people ask how dental school is going, I laugh. Again... real talk... it is one of the most challenging things I have done (and I'm only almost a month in). It's not that the material itself is challenging... its the sheer volume of everything thrown at you. It stretches you in ways that you couldn't imagine and it's crazy to think that at the end of these four long years, you'll be a dentist and they (Midwestern) are shaping you with purpose every step of the way. I have to remind myself of that. Instead of boring you with describing dental school, I have decided to create a top 10 of things I have learned almost a month into my D1 (1st) year. Will this list change and grown? Absolutely. So will I (and I hope I do). Do I have it figured out? Nope. These are just some personal observations of dental school from my perspective... enjoy.
1. Difficulty is fluid. What is hard for one person may be the easiest piece of the puzzle for somebody else... and that is ok! Like I said, dental school is hard, y'all. But as with anything in life, it is a pendulum... so I am learning. With that being said, your strength will be in a place where you weren't expecting it, so share it. My class should get an award for how amazing and helpful they are to one another. I'm super thankful for them because when things get tough, everyone jumps in to help.
2. True balance is a fabled unicorn. You'll hear about "finding balance" a lot during your orientation. Granted, I am only a few weeks in but my balance has already looked different from day to day and week to week. It depends on the day, my mood, what I have due or what I need to study. No, i'm not saying don't find balance. When you think to yourself: Yes! This is how my week will go because I wrote down my schedule in my super expensive beautiful planner in twenty five different colors... the master schedule changes or your time simply gets consumed with something you didn't write in periwinkle purple. The take away: instead of chasing balance for a quarter... chase balance that is attainable for the day that will make you the most successful (and happy).
3. Take it as it comes. I feel like this goes hand in hand with finding your daily balance. The pile of stuff waiting on you doesn't change... ever. It's still there and the fire hose of information keeps spraying on (at full blast). Side note: my other favorite analogy is everything on fire and your tool to put it out: a water gun. Not a super soaker... but you know the "pew pew" lever action water gun the size of my hand. Any who, the concept of how you eat an elephant applies here... one bite at a time. Prioritizing is key for survival and while some may take it a day at a time, I find that taking in an hour at a time (literally) is how I keep a smile on my face and avoid feeling overwhelmed every moment of the day.
4. Receive it all will a smile. Trust me, I know no one is truly smiling when a semester of intense biochemistry material has been shoved in your face in the span of a week to make for the hardest exam of the quarter (can you say 20 point curve). But when that's over, smile... you made it, you did it, go have a coffee... or maybe something stronger (ha). Positivity goes a long way not only in school but in life and any victory, no matter how small, is a victory. Be proud and smile.
5. Be open. Dental school is a different type of animal. You've been dreaming of getting started and feel like you know what you are getting yourself into. To a point, you do. But when you finally get there, you're thrown "in the wild" with 140 of your survival mates and newest best friends to endure everything together. You're learning about your classmates, how to study huge volumes of material (reference point number 4), and how to find the time to have somewhat of a social life. It'll stretch you, tire you, and push your abilities beyond what you thought they could go. Be open to change and to adapting, I feel like it will be key for growing in the chaos and not letting it grow on you.
6. Self comparison is destructive. People will be better at things than you... I feel like that applies to life in general. You will be better at things that others may struggle with. Comparing yourself to your classmates will do nothing more than waste your time (it is pretty precious) and drag your confidence down. My class is full of pretty incredible people with a lot of different talents. Rather than self comparison to their great talents, I hope that they can help teach and sharpen me in areas that I may lack and vice versa. That is more time efficient that exploring everything you did worst than everyone else... as Sweet Brown says "Ain't nobody got time for that."
7. Get involved. I was apprehensive about this one but getting involved to your comfort level, is a good thing! When you are in a lecture or lab roughly 32 hours a week and hope to study for at least 20 to prepare for the next week's exams, your free time seems best used trying to... you know... live. Yes, sleep is important. Yes, going to work out is important. However, putting yourself out there and getting involved in clubs, class council, and volunteer opportunities, forces you to step away from the grind and do something different. As I have already learned by getting involved, you meet some pretty wonderful people.
8. Remember what you are working towards. This is probably one of the biggest points that has stuck out to me. This has been a hard one for me because I'm firmly ensconced in the average category when it comes to basic sciences. While I've had difficulty in the simulation lab (cue waxed teeth flying through the air and breaking right before grading... yup), its where I'd rather be and that reflects in my work. It's easy to get tunnel vision and think if I don't make this A in BASI, I'll never be a good dentist. I'm still working on this one because it's hard to give 110% and only receive back 50%. However, making an A in BASI may help me pass my boards and get me to a residency but it will not make me a great dentist. One of my bench instructors who graduated from MWU two years ago discussed this with me. He asked me how I felt about my first ever composite I just created (also drilled for the first time yesterday... super exciting) as he sat down to grade me. I said I felt great about it and I wished dental school was just this because BASI was killing me. He agreed with me that I did a good job and said that moments like this will make me a great dentist... not BASI. I needed that. While BASI is apart of this journey, there's something greater that is waiting to serve as a reminder of why I am doing what I am doing.
9. Don't forget about your most valuable asset: You. When you are incredibly busy but you want to get involved (see 7) and do everything else under the sun, sometimes you can fall by the wayside. There's something to be said for a full night sleep, a fed body, and a peaceful mind. I should probably eat my words here too because I find that this is a struggle. One of my good friends recently posted the quote "You can't pour from an empty cup," and that is so true, especially in dental school. Sure, can we survive on 8 hours of sleep in 2 days, eating quick meals to constitute eating, and go for the pool for an hour to clear our minds? Sure (guilty, again, I'll eat my words). The real question is what your doing fulfilling you in a way that you can give your best into what your doing. If the answer is no, find a way to focus on you and make that a yes. Your sanity and success depends on it.
10. Enjoy (and be grateful) for the ride, no matter how bumpy it may be. On the last day of our orientation, our dean talked about what it meant to be sitting in the seats we were in. He talked about giving all to this process and learning to enjoy every moment. He also said that for all 141 of us sitting in that room, there were 25 people who wanted my seat. Think about that...25 people wanted my seat... times 141 seats. Thats 3,525 people who weren't sitting in those seats living their dream at such an incredible school. Talk about humbling and a reminder of being grateful for your circumstance and new beginnings. Although it's already been hard and I would be lying if I said I didn't question if I was good enough to be sitting in my seat from time to time, I am so grateful for the struggle, the highs, and my surroundings.
That same day, all 141 of us stood up one by one and told our story to introduce ourselves to the people we would be spending the next four years with. I was so awestruck and humbled to be standing among such amazing individuals, that I didn't realize this took hours. Everyone has a unique walk in life and brings something different to the table... and I have enjoyed and will continue to enjoy this ride called dental school with them.
Update: I have attached some photos of my past few weeks as a fun little addition to the blog!
Live. Laugh. New Beginnings.
Melissa
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
Answering the Call.
As usual, I have let my blog sit vacant for months and months. I often think of things that strike me to write about but time (as with many of you, I'm sure) is an issue. Beyond time, I always hope to write something meaningful, honest, and an accurate depiction of how God is working in my life. Therefore, in these months, God left me silent as he spoke to me, blessed me, broke me, and sharpened me. As I sit here wrapping up my birthday, I think about what "year 28" held for me and how much I have changed as a person in all facets of my life. Not many people look forward to reaching their thirties but I am so incredibly ready to experience God's blessings for answering His call. Will it be hard? Sure. It keeps me up at night when I think about it. However, God always sends reminders that He will be there through it all and He has given me such a beautiful support team. So, with that I felt it on my heart to write about my year and answering God's call.
Applying to dental school is like running the longest race but you are not sure of the race course and the terrain changes with every mile. You know the race is coming, you prepare for it, you train for it but once it starts you often wonder "How did I get here?" or "How will I ever finish?". You feel like the cycle will never end as you hope and pray for interviews, you get them, and interview, and go back to waiting. It's exhausting. But then you blink... and it's over. The past two months I have taken a break from life to recover from the last year. I've needed it to rest and to reflect before I embark on my dental school journey... which I'm sure will mimic on a larger scale what I described above.
On my birthday last year, I said to Jon, "This could be the biggest year of my life." It was but ten-fold. If me today would tell me last year, that this past year (man that's a mouth full) would pan out the way it did... I wouldn't believe myself. When I felt this call on my heart to leave the realm of dental hygiene, go back to school, and apply to dental school, I was terrified. A lot of people asked why I did it and all I could simply say was I feel called to do it and it has been a dream of mine. This road has been a lot of praying and crying out to God to reaffirm His call on my life and each time he answers me... clearly. I worried about the cost of school... I received the Air Force HPSP. I prayed for at least two interviews... I received two interviews. I prayed that God would lead me to the right dental school for me and for Jon (because he is making an incredible sacrifice too)... He led me to Midwestern where we I have my in-laws nearby. I worried about where I would live... he provided a home.
But what if you don't feel God calling you to something? What if you don't feel Him answering? What if you answered His call but you feel as though nothing is happening? These are very real and tangible questions. It can feel like a very lonely and desolate place when the desires of our heart or what we feel is God's calling is not coming to fruition. I stood in that place three years ago where I thought God wanted me to pursue dental school but nothing seemed to be working. One day in a Denver coffee shop, I read my devotional and He answered me in His time. The devotional talked about that sometimes when God seems like He is telling us "no," and things are not happening like we thought they should, he may be simply telling us "not yet." That day changed my life and I realized in the months of my frustrations, He was preparing my heart to surrender fully without hesitation to His call. The "not yet" in our lives are God's masterpieces in the making and that is such a beautiful truth.
His call isn't always clear. It isn't always well-received by people. It can take time. Sometimes what you think He is calling you to, is something much more different and larger but a spiritual lesson in the making. I'd be lying if some of these very things didn't make my heart drop. The outpouring of love and support has been overwhelming for Jon and I as we embark on learning to be married but be a commuter couple during this time in our lives as we both are living and working for our dreams. Some people have met us with concern, questions, opinions (I like to think they are all well-intentioned). We do appreciate being asked out of love but the answer is simple, God's call is much greater than our comfort and much bigger than stress or worry. This aspect was one of my biggest worries and battles in this whole process, but God met me in that worry and put strong spiritual couples in our path who have walked a very similar journey to ours. He knew we needed the affirmation from couples who answered the calls in their lives... even when it was hard and not popular. God is incredibly faithful.
As I look towards my thirties, I couldn't be more excited to see what God has in store for our family. It will be a difficult year on the way there but the joy that comes in knowing I have a husband, family, and friends, who answered this call with me... is indescribable.
Live. Love. Answer His Call.
Melissa
Applying to dental school is like running the longest race but you are not sure of the race course and the terrain changes with every mile. You know the race is coming, you prepare for it, you train for it but once it starts you often wonder "How did I get here?" or "How will I ever finish?". You feel like the cycle will never end as you hope and pray for interviews, you get them, and interview, and go back to waiting. It's exhausting. But then you blink... and it's over. The past two months I have taken a break from life to recover from the last year. I've needed it to rest and to reflect before I embark on my dental school journey... which I'm sure will mimic on a larger scale what I described above.
On my birthday last year, I said to Jon, "This could be the biggest year of my life." It was but ten-fold. If me today would tell me last year, that this past year (man that's a mouth full) would pan out the way it did... I wouldn't believe myself. When I felt this call on my heart to leave the realm of dental hygiene, go back to school, and apply to dental school, I was terrified. A lot of people asked why I did it and all I could simply say was I feel called to do it and it has been a dream of mine. This road has been a lot of praying and crying out to God to reaffirm His call on my life and each time he answers me... clearly. I worried about the cost of school... I received the Air Force HPSP. I prayed for at least two interviews... I received two interviews. I prayed that God would lead me to the right dental school for me and for Jon (because he is making an incredible sacrifice too)... He led me to Midwestern where we I have my in-laws nearby. I worried about where I would live... he provided a home.
But what if you don't feel God calling you to something? What if you don't feel Him answering? What if you answered His call but you feel as though nothing is happening? These are very real and tangible questions. It can feel like a very lonely and desolate place when the desires of our heart or what we feel is God's calling is not coming to fruition. I stood in that place three years ago where I thought God wanted me to pursue dental school but nothing seemed to be working. One day in a Denver coffee shop, I read my devotional and He answered me in His time. The devotional talked about that sometimes when God seems like He is telling us "no," and things are not happening like we thought they should, he may be simply telling us "not yet." That day changed my life and I realized in the months of my frustrations, He was preparing my heart to surrender fully without hesitation to His call. The "not yet" in our lives are God's masterpieces in the making and that is such a beautiful truth.
His call isn't always clear. It isn't always well-received by people. It can take time. Sometimes what you think He is calling you to, is something much more different and larger but a spiritual lesson in the making. I'd be lying if some of these very things didn't make my heart drop. The outpouring of love and support has been overwhelming for Jon and I as we embark on learning to be married but be a commuter couple during this time in our lives as we both are living and working for our dreams. Some people have met us with concern, questions, opinions (I like to think they are all well-intentioned). We do appreciate being asked out of love but the answer is simple, God's call is much greater than our comfort and much bigger than stress or worry. This aspect was one of my biggest worries and battles in this whole process, but God met me in that worry and put strong spiritual couples in our path who have walked a very similar journey to ours. He knew we needed the affirmation from couples who answered the calls in their lives... even when it was hard and not popular. God is incredibly faithful.
As I look towards my thirties, I couldn't be more excited to see what God has in store for our family. It will be a difficult year on the way there but the joy that comes in knowing I have a husband, family, and friends, who answered this call with me... is indescribable.
Live. Love. Answer His Call.
Melissa
Sunday, April 3, 2016
"My Hope Comes from God"
"I lift up my eyes to the mountains--where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." - Psalm 121:1-2 (NIV)
April 3rd is a day that I always write, remember, reflect and share. I do these things because I feel it is imperative that the world knows Brady's amazing legacy and message. I can hardly fathom that it has been 11 years since he has been gone. My heart aches for his loss still but it rejoices in the fact that we serve a God that conquered death and lives in victory so that we can have the most beautiful of reunions one day. What a glorious day that will be. When I lived in Arkansas, I always visited his grave on this day. When I moved to Colorado, I miss that time to go reflect and just "be." Blogging has been my out and I feel the words I write cannot adequately convey all that I want to about Brady. He was the perfect example of practicing what you preach, loving people and Jesus were his passions and he followed Him so fervently, at even the most tender teenage years, that I feel he lived more life than most will in a lifetime. He shot it to you straight but loved you all the while. He was a leader.
I was talking to a good friend this week about the process of grieving a friend. It's something that you will never prepare yourself for or imagine yourself going through. But just as Psalm 121:1-2 states, my help came from God. He helped me to see the light in the darkness, the beauty in the rubble and He has given me the strength to step out and live a life that I know Brady would be proud of... one with his purpose of "Love God. Love People." I hope I make him proud and that I do his legacy justice.
Today, I had the extreme blessing of spending this hard day with my best friend, Sarah, who knew and loved Brady like I did. She experienced and walked through that immense loss along with me. We sat around this morning talking about Brady: things he loved, how he lived his life, how he impacted ours and how there is no way to really describe him perfectly. I loved that precious time today, for I know Sarah looks at her life as living Brady's purpose too. We spent the day at the Royal Gorge and taking in the magnificent views of Cañon City and I couldn't help but to think of God's majesty and how much it commanded Brady's life. How blessed am I that I knew Brady and I get to share his legacy with others, so that they too may know Christ's love?! Brady sought after Christ with his whole heart and longed for everyone to know him on such an intimate level. He was ready to "charge hell with a water pistol." I pray everyday that I can be a "Brady," just his sweet Mom asked both Sarah and I to do on the day of his visitation. "Love God. Love People," has been a phrase that Sarah and I will never forget, as many others do not, so that we will always "be a Brady." Sarah has this tattooed on her arm in Greek. I love it.
I ask that you take up Brady Hooper's purpose in life to "Love God. Love People." Life is too short to not care about the souls of the people around you and to the ends of the Earth. Life is too short to not love God with every fiber of your being that He created and experience His abundant mercy and forgiveness. I ask that you pray and think about Brady's beautiful family tonight. His parents, Greg and Sara Lu, are so incredibly precious and dear to Jon and I, as I know they are to Sarah and Michael and many families that they have touched. I remember as I hugged Bro. Greg at Brady's visitation that he said "God gives and He takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." I've never had a bigger or deeper lesson in faith and God's mercy than I did in that moment. Where does my help come from... in the moments where the grief is too much... when the pain is too deep... and the road seems impossible? It comes from God, who gives and takes away... and who made the beautiful mountains. Blessed be HIS name.
Live. Laugh. Love. Reflect.
Melissa
April 3rd is a day that I always write, remember, reflect and share. I do these things because I feel it is imperative that the world knows Brady's amazing legacy and message. I can hardly fathom that it has been 11 years since he has been gone. My heart aches for his loss still but it rejoices in the fact that we serve a God that conquered death and lives in victory so that we can have the most beautiful of reunions one day. What a glorious day that will be. When I lived in Arkansas, I always visited his grave on this day. When I moved to Colorado, I miss that time to go reflect and just "be." Blogging has been my out and I feel the words I write cannot adequately convey all that I want to about Brady. He was the perfect example of practicing what you preach, loving people and Jesus were his passions and he followed Him so fervently, at even the most tender teenage years, that I feel he lived more life than most will in a lifetime. He shot it to you straight but loved you all the while. He was a leader.
I was talking to a good friend this week about the process of grieving a friend. It's something that you will never prepare yourself for or imagine yourself going through. But just as Psalm 121:1-2 states, my help came from God. He helped me to see the light in the darkness, the beauty in the rubble and He has given me the strength to step out and live a life that I know Brady would be proud of... one with his purpose of "Love God. Love People." I hope I make him proud and that I do his legacy justice.
Today, I had the extreme blessing of spending this hard day with my best friend, Sarah, who knew and loved Brady like I did. She experienced and walked through that immense loss along with me. We sat around this morning talking about Brady: things he loved, how he lived his life, how he impacted ours and how there is no way to really describe him perfectly. I loved that precious time today, for I know Sarah looks at her life as living Brady's purpose too. We spent the day at the Royal Gorge and taking in the magnificent views of Cañon City and I couldn't help but to think of God's majesty and how much it commanded Brady's life. How blessed am I that I knew Brady and I get to share his legacy with others, so that they too may know Christ's love?! Brady sought after Christ with his whole heart and longed for everyone to know him on such an intimate level. He was ready to "charge hell with a water pistol." I pray everyday that I can be a "Brady," just his sweet Mom asked both Sarah and I to do on the day of his visitation. "Love God. Love People," has been a phrase that Sarah and I will never forget, as many others do not, so that we will always "be a Brady." Sarah has this tattooed on her arm in Greek. I love it.
I ask that you take up Brady Hooper's purpose in life to "Love God. Love People." Life is too short to not care about the souls of the people around you and to the ends of the Earth. Life is too short to not love God with every fiber of your being that He created and experience His abundant mercy and forgiveness. I ask that you pray and think about Brady's beautiful family tonight. His parents, Greg and Sara Lu, are so incredibly precious and dear to Jon and I, as I know they are to Sarah and Michael and many families that they have touched. I remember as I hugged Bro. Greg at Brady's visitation that he said "God gives and He takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." I've never had a bigger or deeper lesson in faith and God's mercy than I did in that moment. Where does my help come from... in the moments where the grief is too much... when the pain is too deep... and the road seems impossible? It comes from God, who gives and takes away... and who made the beautiful mountains. Blessed be HIS name.
Live. Laugh. Love. Reflect.
Melissa
Friday, October 9, 2015
Get out of the boat.
The RoMed 2015 clinics are finished and I sit here amazed at the amount of work our team accomplished and the number of lives and hearts touched. Brasov panned out to be a great clinic where actually many peoples from surrounding villages, including Feldioara, showed up to be seen. We actually saw many from Feldioara that frequented our two day clinic there and we said numerous times that we were so happy that was the case, as we feel Feldioara is "our" village. Our team has this undeniable connection with that village and my heart is so full when I think about all of my precious friends there and the work that God is doing through them for the people of Feldioara. Love... doesn't even cover it.
That love is what fuels the fire of God's calling to me in Romania. There isn't a day that I don't think about Romania and how deeply it has gripped my soul. The trip redirected the course of my life and broke my heart for what breaks God such that I could know him on such a deeper level... even if it lead me outside my comfort zone.
Tonight during our group devotion, Bro. Jerry discussed that in order to truly experience all that God has to offer, we must fall outside our comfort zones and "get out of the boat." I've thought about that more and there are many "boats" or safety nets that I fall into that ultimately keep me from experiencing all that God has laid out for me. Yes, it can be terrifying to set aside familiarity and embrace what is foreign. Yes, it is hard to see clearly when you do not have the full picture. But is the Lord not the author and creator of every moment, every breath and every fiber of our being? But Bro Jerry made a point that I haven't quite thought of in taking the "gotta get out of the boat" concept a bit further, and that is once you are out of the boat to keep your eyes fixed upon Jesus. Expounding on this further (for me personally) I thought immediately of my own journey. The moment I was called to Romania, I put a foot out of the boat and little by little, leading up to my commitment to follow God's calling to pursue dental school (when I thought this was not even a bit possible) where I finally said "I am all in." I feel like I have experienced a new level of faith and love when I stepped out of the boat and onto the water. This trip, has helped me to see just how precious my focus is on Jesus... for without it... I will surely sink.
I think of all the blessings I would have missed if I didn't go all in with God and know that whatever boat I had been sitting in, would never be as good enough as the faith that enables me to do the impossible. I wouldn't experience the love and mercy of our Father like I do. I would miss the beautiful miracle of a friend being cancer free. I wouldn't hear the love of God flow out in a different language while knowing it in my very own. I wouldn't cry sweet tears with Maria as she is finally out of pain. I would miss out on this beautiful life that God has entrusted me with. Although the waters may be rough sometimes, those revelations... the love, mercy and grace of our Father, calm even the most raging of seas.
What is your boat? Has God been calling you for quite some time to go all in... to step out of your comfort zone and focus solely on Him? All it takes is a simple, "Yes, here I am," and get out of the boat and stand firmly in Christ's calling. I pray for each of you tonight, that God reveals what your "boat" is and how to get out of it and trust in Him.
Thank you, again, for your unending prayers for this team. God has helped us reach so many during our clinics. Please pray for the hearts of our team as they begin to really process and reflect upon this experience. Pray for the hearts of the Romanian people that the seeds we have planted will bloom for God. Also, please pray for a man that our team is continuing to treat over several days beyond clinic. His situation is quite dire and our beautiful nurses are treating Him with the hand of the Lord to guide them. Pray that God heals his ailment and that he will see a miracle of God in his own life.
Live. Laugh. Get out of the boat.
Melissa
That love is what fuels the fire of God's calling to me in Romania. There isn't a day that I don't think about Romania and how deeply it has gripped my soul. The trip redirected the course of my life and broke my heart for what breaks God such that I could know him on such a deeper level... even if it lead me outside my comfort zone.
Tonight during our group devotion, Bro. Jerry discussed that in order to truly experience all that God has to offer, we must fall outside our comfort zones and "get out of the boat." I've thought about that more and there are many "boats" or safety nets that I fall into that ultimately keep me from experiencing all that God has laid out for me. Yes, it can be terrifying to set aside familiarity and embrace what is foreign. Yes, it is hard to see clearly when you do not have the full picture. But is the Lord not the author and creator of every moment, every breath and every fiber of our being? But Bro Jerry made a point that I haven't quite thought of in taking the "gotta get out of the boat" concept a bit further, and that is once you are out of the boat to keep your eyes fixed upon Jesus. Expounding on this further (for me personally) I thought immediately of my own journey. The moment I was called to Romania, I put a foot out of the boat and little by little, leading up to my commitment to follow God's calling to pursue dental school (when I thought this was not even a bit possible) where I finally said "I am all in." I feel like I have experienced a new level of faith and love when I stepped out of the boat and onto the water. This trip, has helped me to see just how precious my focus is on Jesus... for without it... I will surely sink.
I think of all the blessings I would have missed if I didn't go all in with God and know that whatever boat I had been sitting in, would never be as good enough as the faith that enables me to do the impossible. I wouldn't experience the love and mercy of our Father like I do. I would miss the beautiful miracle of a friend being cancer free. I wouldn't hear the love of God flow out in a different language while knowing it in my very own. I wouldn't cry sweet tears with Maria as she is finally out of pain. I would miss out on this beautiful life that God has entrusted me with. Although the waters may be rough sometimes, those revelations... the love, mercy and grace of our Father, calm even the most raging of seas.
What is your boat? Has God been calling you for quite some time to go all in... to step out of your comfort zone and focus solely on Him? All it takes is a simple, "Yes, here I am," and get out of the boat and stand firmly in Christ's calling. I pray for each of you tonight, that God reveals what your "boat" is and how to get out of it and trust in Him.
Thank you, again, for your unending prayers for this team. God has helped us reach so many during our clinics. Please pray for the hearts of our team as they begin to really process and reflect upon this experience. Pray for the hearts of the Romanian people that the seeds we have planted will bloom for God. Also, please pray for a man that our team is continuing to treat over several days beyond clinic. His situation is quite dire and our beautiful nurses are treating Him with the hand of the Lord to guide them. Pray that God heals his ailment and that he will see a miracle of God in his own life.
Live. Laugh. Get out of the boat.
Melissa
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Grace.
I can hardly believe that we have just one clinic day left. The trip always comes in such a whirlwind but it surprises me each time. I haven't blogged in a couple of days because I have found myself tired, sick and without words (shock, I know!) to describe exactly what I am thinking. Our team has been such a beautiful example of God's grace, love and divine purpose. As we finished our last clinic day in Feldioara, had a free day to rest and through our clinic day today in Sfantu Gheorghe today, the Lord was breathing life into the walls... or the courtyard (in today's case), such that our RoMed team demonstrated His goodness and purpose in every work station. He placed specific people on our team for particular patients that passed through our clinic.
I found myself in a place where God meant me for a patient. Sandy called me outside into the beautiful flower filled courtyard at the church in Feldioara where I see beautiful Maria in her wheelchair. Maria was terrified to get much of anything done but she agreed to let me clean her teeth. I stood out in the courtyard with my instruments on a paper towel in a chair and Maria was wrapped in a brand new purple blanket to keep warm. Sandy stayed with Maria as I began to clean. As I worked, I began to pray for this sweet girl with her head propped against my stomach, her beautiful brown eyes staring up at me. Those moments with Maria, during such a hectic day in clinic, made me pause and realize the divine appointment God had set up for me that day with her. When I knew I had done all I could do for her, Maria's teeth which was once covered with tartar, emerged into a smile. What a joy to my heart to see her smile in that mirror and see herself for what she is... a beautiful woman. God's grace in that moment was so tangible and His purpose for me in my meeting with Maria, so clear. I threw in special instruments at the last minute into my suitcase, meant for very heavy tartar and I couldn't have removed what I did on Maria. God knew I'd be seeing her. Be still and know... that He is God.
After Tuesday, I barely could hold my eyes open. The clinic day was so blessed in all areas of our team and the tired was the best kind of tired I could have asked for. Wednesday was a welcomed break as our team toured Castle Braun. Some of us Veterans who have seen the castle twice now, stayed behind and shopped around at the gypsy markets with our awesome translator, Florin. Braun is such a beautiful area and it is neat to tell your friends you were at Dracula's Castle. We then went on to walk around the main "strip" in Brasov and spend time at the town square. Although I was feeling a bit under the weather, I loved just sitting at watching at the town's beauty. It was an early night for me but in hindsight, it was just what I needed.
Today, our team was in a new village, Sfantu Gheorghe. It was definitely different from our norm but God was so faithful and provided decent weather so that we could see many people in the village. For quite a while, the rain chances were very high but come today, it was zero. God's grace. Although Sfantu Gheorghe is in Romania, the villagers are primarily Hungarian, which yielded double translation scenarios where I would speak English to our Romanian Translators who would then speak Romanian to a Hungarian Translator. Again, God provided much grace to our team and the translations went very smoothly. The facilities are very small at the church there, so our waiting area, pharmacy and vision team were outside in the chilly weather. Our medical team was set up in a tool shed while the dental team stayed in the church building. We were able to touch many physical needs to the people of Sfantu Gheorghe and I pray that God provided a light to those people through our team members. I know He did.
Please pray as we finish out our last clinic day in Brasov. We have many people traveling from Feldioara to be seen again. I also pray that you pray with and for the RoMed team members as they begin to really process and reflect on this experience. Thank you again, for your kind support! We feels your prayers!
Live. Love. Grace.
I found myself in a place where God meant me for a patient. Sandy called me outside into the beautiful flower filled courtyard at the church in Feldioara where I see beautiful Maria in her wheelchair. Maria was terrified to get much of anything done but she agreed to let me clean her teeth. I stood out in the courtyard with my instruments on a paper towel in a chair and Maria was wrapped in a brand new purple blanket to keep warm. Sandy stayed with Maria as I began to clean. As I worked, I began to pray for this sweet girl with her head propped against my stomach, her beautiful brown eyes staring up at me. Those moments with Maria, during such a hectic day in clinic, made me pause and realize the divine appointment God had set up for me that day with her. When I knew I had done all I could do for her, Maria's teeth which was once covered with tartar, emerged into a smile. What a joy to my heart to see her smile in that mirror and see herself for what she is... a beautiful woman. God's grace in that moment was so tangible and His purpose for me in my meeting with Maria, so clear. I threw in special instruments at the last minute into my suitcase, meant for very heavy tartar and I couldn't have removed what I did on Maria. God knew I'd be seeing her. Be still and know... that He is God.
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| Working on Maria in the Courtyard |
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| Town Square in Brasov |
Today, our team was in a new village, Sfantu Gheorghe. It was definitely different from our norm but God was so faithful and provided decent weather so that we could see many people in the village. For quite a while, the rain chances were very high but come today, it was zero. God's grace. Although Sfantu Gheorghe is in Romania, the villagers are primarily Hungarian, which yielded double translation scenarios where I would speak English to our Romanian Translators who would then speak Romanian to a Hungarian Translator. Again, God provided much grace to our team and the translations went very smoothly. The facilities are very small at the church there, so our waiting area, pharmacy and vision team were outside in the chilly weather. Our medical team was set up in a tool shed while the dental team stayed in the church building. We were able to touch many physical needs to the people of Sfantu Gheorghe and I pray that God provided a light to those people through our team members. I know He did.
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| Our Medical Team Staging Area |
Live. Love. Grace.
Monday, October 5, 2015
He is Faithful.
What. A. Day. The girls of the mission house loft (I'll have to post pictures in reference to this... but just stay with me) had an early morning this morning that was needed and designed by God. We needed a good laugh... needed a good cry and we needed to share our hearts and as we sat in a group.... some new members to the team... some seasoned, I knew that our team was going to have a great first day of clinic, and that we did.
As we set up our clinic, it almost felt like our "dream dental team" hadn't even skipped a beat since our 2013 trip. It felt like we were just there yesterday. I couldn't believe it. Usually I get very nervous before we start clinic because I want to do nothing but the best for my sweet Romanian friends. This morning, I found myself calm and ready to get to work, as if I did it every day. I thank God for that. I have prayed for that.
This trip has been very emotional so far for me because it is reigniting the fire to my desires... my hopes... my dreams and it's been all I can a lot of this trip is to just observe and take it in. I've done a lot of observing so far, taking mental snapshots, watching our team interact and seeing God's hand in everything in this trip. It has overwhelmed me and as we worked our way through our floods of patients, it hit me as to why I have unconsciously fell into this observing mode... God has intended me to see his faithfulness. I believe this is because he knows how discouraged and stressed I have been at school where I have often I have questioned this road I have traveled down... one that ultimately started with Romania. My heart has been broken many times for things I have learned over the past couple of days and it's been hard to process these elements of culture shock at times. I won't lie... I have asked God why. So, today, God reminded me of just how faithful He is.
Today, I saw so many familiar faces of all the sweet Romanian people who have been touched by our clinic before and they would say "I remember you." They would hug you and kiss you... just as if they were greeting a long lost friend. God is faithful.
I found myself on my knees, holding hands and praying with a nervous Ileana after I had numbed her up and she was waiting for the dentist. Something convicted my heart so strongly to just simply pray with her and for her. I prayed for her soul and a peace that only God could provide. I finished and I looked into her teary eyes and she said through Florin, that she needed that pray so desperately and began to share with me stories about her children and her life. She was calm going to Dr. Joel. God is faithful.
One after the other, I saw all these precious people who God has used to shape my heart over the years... and then I saw her. Beautiful Eva. If you go back to my 2010 blogs, or perhaps you remember reading about my story of Eva. Please go back and read it but long story short, God used Eva, to make me see why I had called me to Romania. The moment I held her sweet head in my hands, cried tears over her and had her grab me so tightly to tell me she knew I felt compassion for her... my life was never the same. It was a defining moment in my faith and in my heart that I will never forget. She walked into clinic today wearing the most beautiful pink head scarf and floral skirt. She looked just the same and I couldn't help but to tear up in sheer excitement because I was so disappointed when I did not see her in our clinic in 2013... but here she was. Today, I got to serve Eva again and as I told her that I remembered her through our translator... she said I remember you and we both smiled and shared a hug that cut deep into my soul. I also had the privilege of serving her beautiful 6 year old daughter who is one tough cookie. I was immediately brought back to that moment where He broke my heart for what broke His and my life was no longer mine to live but only His. God is SO faithful.
A verse came to mind about my revelations and blessings today: "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). I couldn't be more thankful for today and God's steady nudge to reveal what He has been all along and that is faithful... even when we may not understand His purpose.
I ask that you pray for the Lord give our team strength to power through another clinic day that will be even busier than today and that He will plant the seeds in those who pass through our clinic doors. I also ask that you pray for our Romanian team members as they have stopped their lives to help make this clinic happen for us. We couldn't do it without them and I am so very thankful for them. Pray for their strength as well as we continue clinic this week.
Live. Laugh. And He is faithful.
As we set up our clinic, it almost felt like our "dream dental team" hadn't even skipped a beat since our 2013 trip. It felt like we were just there yesterday. I couldn't believe it. Usually I get very nervous before we start clinic because I want to do nothing but the best for my sweet Romanian friends. This morning, I found myself calm and ready to get to work, as if I did it every day. I thank God for that. I have prayed for that.
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| The Dental Dream Team (minus our amazing translators) |
Today, I saw so many familiar faces of all the sweet Romanian people who have been touched by our clinic before and they would say "I remember you." They would hug you and kiss you... just as if they were greeting a long lost friend. God is faithful.
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| Me and David, whom I have seen every visit to Feldioara! |
One after the other, I saw all these precious people who God has used to shape my heart over the years... and then I saw her. Beautiful Eva. If you go back to my 2010 blogs, or perhaps you remember reading about my story of Eva. Please go back and read it but long story short, God used Eva, to make me see why I had called me to Romania. The moment I held her sweet head in my hands, cried tears over her and had her grab me so tightly to tell me she knew I felt compassion for her... my life was never the same. It was a defining moment in my faith and in my heart that I will never forget. She walked into clinic today wearing the most beautiful pink head scarf and floral skirt. She looked just the same and I couldn't help but to tear up in sheer excitement because I was so disappointed when I did not see her in our clinic in 2013... but here she was. Today, I got to serve Eva again and as I told her that I remembered her through our translator... she said I remember you and we both smiled and shared a hug that cut deep into my soul. I also had the privilege of serving her beautiful 6 year old daughter who is one tough cookie. I was immediately brought back to that moment where He broke my heart for what broke His and my life was no longer mine to live but only His. God is SO faithful.
A verse came to mind about my revelations and blessings today: "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). I couldn't be more thankful for today and God's steady nudge to reveal what He has been all along and that is faithful... even when we may not understand His purpose.
I ask that you pray for the Lord give our team strength to power through another clinic day that will be even busier than today and that He will plant the seeds in those who pass through our clinic doors. I also ask that you pray for our Romanian team members as they have stopped their lives to help make this clinic happen for us. We couldn't do it without them and I am so very thankful for them. Pray for their strength as well as we continue clinic this week.
Live. Laugh. And He is faithful.
Sunday, October 4, 2015
It's all about Jesus.
Our first full day in Romania is complete and I think it was much needed by everyone, as well as the perfect way to kick off what is setup to be such a fantastic week. I think everyone was having some severe jet lag from the day before because sleep was hard to come by on our series of flights. At one point when we got off of our long flight, I made the comment that I was so tired that I felt like I was having an out of body experience and I have a feeling I wasn't the only one. But overall, besides some turbulence going from Atlanta to Amsterdam, our travel was pretty uneventful.
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| The crew getting ready to go on the big plane. |
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| A portion of our gear! |
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| Beth and I with our sweet friend, Mundra |
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| Such a great music special brought this morning! |
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| Beth and Mundra listening to the message. Be still my heart. |
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| Walking into the courtyard to the church |
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| Such a beautiful welcome to the church! |
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| Courtyard in front of the church |
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| Feldioara |
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| Precious. Pure Precious. |
Live. Laugh. It's all about Jesus.
Melissa
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Here We Go!
Whew! What a whirlwind week! I am on my flight to Arkansas and it is so surreal to be sitting on this plane. It's crazy to think that I've been preparing for months for this very week because I knew the hurdles that I had to jump over all at once and here it is...over. I can finally "be in the moment" as our team departure for Romania is tomorrow. This trip has already started out so different than all the others that I have been blessed to go on. I've always been working full time in a private practice and my build up to the trip is really gradual. I would have time in the evenings or my day off to prepare and also get to be apart of the packing process of our team's supplies. This time around, obviously, my life is significantly different. I am in Colorado, so all of my correspondence has been through phone and e-mail. I am a full time student and I even work at school. So, basically, I live there (Ha... but no really). I often have no words when I think about that. God is so good for when I thought there was no way I could do what I am doing... HE DID. Two years ago as I departed Romania, this life I am living was just a goal and a dream planted in my heart. Many times during those following months after I came home and we made our move to Colorado, my faith was tested to its core and I spent a lot of time learning to not only give everything over to God but truly surrender every fiber of my being, every doubt, every fear, all the vanity I held onto to hear His plan for me. When I finally did, God revealed that His plan was the one on my heart and RIGHT NOW was the time to begin it. I have never looked back and have only pressed this far into my journey because I am living by His design. So, to be here on this small cramped up plane, is such a testament and proof of God's unending faithfulness and love. I am very fortunate to have professors that allowed me to turn in assignments early, quiz and test early/late and drop assignments and labs all together to alleviate my stress. It was a roller coaster of a week to get through three tests, five assignments and a challenging lab this week but it happened.
I am so blessed and excited to be able to return to the very mission that concreted my want to become a dentist and go down this path I have been called to walked on. God knows I have longed to return because I so desperately love Romania, my sweet friends there and it's precious people. I can't describe that feeling to feel so at home and hold so much love for a place that is quite different from where I live. It's foreign but it feels so familiar. The peace I feel there is undeniable and I know God will only expound upon that and let me relight the fire to keep me pressing on this journey. Who knows, hopefully one day, I'll be going as a dentist and able to do so much more. That excites me.
I am so overwhelmed at the response to be apart of my email updates through this blog. Each email address I added to the group, made my heart fill to the brim with love. So, thank you, to everyone who prayed for, encouraged and supported me and the RoMed 2015 team. I cannot wait to share the blessings that are awaiting us just "over the pond!" Until then, I ask that you continue to pray for our team's travel safety and that ALL of our supplies and luggage make it and all in one piece. Although, if you haven't read my "I saw the light" story from two years ago on our 2013 trip, scroll back a couple of years and read it, I am totally okay with a divine meeting and losing of luggage like that.
I'll leave you with some questions to think about, as I have been asked a lot about the act of service this week. Is there something that you feel like God is calling you to do? Is it something that you would never place for yourself? Is it something that terrifies you? Is it outside of your comfort zone? I challenge you to really dig deep to the calls to service in your life and answer the call. There are people and situations out there that could be waiting for your words, your touch and your love. And most certainly, there's uncovered blessings from God waiting for you, to show you love, mercy, grace and His plan.
Until next time!
Live. Love. Here We Go!
Melissa
I am so blessed and excited to be able to return to the very mission that concreted my want to become a dentist and go down this path I have been called to walked on. God knows I have longed to return because I so desperately love Romania, my sweet friends there and it's precious people. I can't describe that feeling to feel so at home and hold so much love for a place that is quite different from where I live. It's foreign but it feels so familiar. The peace I feel there is undeniable and I know God will only expound upon that and let me relight the fire to keep me pressing on this journey. Who knows, hopefully one day, I'll be going as a dentist and able to do so much more. That excites me.
I am so overwhelmed at the response to be apart of my email updates through this blog. Each email address I added to the group, made my heart fill to the brim with love. So, thank you, to everyone who prayed for, encouraged and supported me and the RoMed 2015 team. I cannot wait to share the blessings that are awaiting us just "over the pond!" Until then, I ask that you continue to pray for our team's travel safety and that ALL of our supplies and luggage make it and all in one piece. Although, if you haven't read my "I saw the light" story from two years ago on our 2013 trip, scroll back a couple of years and read it, I am totally okay with a divine meeting and losing of luggage like that.
I'll leave you with some questions to think about, as I have been asked a lot about the act of service this week. Is there something that you feel like God is calling you to do? Is it something that you would never place for yourself? Is it something that terrifies you? Is it outside of your comfort zone? I challenge you to really dig deep to the calls to service in your life and answer the call. There are people and situations out there that could be waiting for your words, your touch and your love. And most certainly, there's uncovered blessings from God waiting for you, to show you love, mercy, grace and His plan.
Until next time!
Live. Love. Here We Go!
Melissa
Thursday, September 24, 2015
He let go, We let go
I've sat here for days with this very blog on my mind. I've been praying about what to write and how to convey these days I am walking through. To be honest, it's hard because the world's noise has been louder than ever before and I have failed at tuning it out and focusing on God's still small voice. I've literally wrote blog after blog but erased it because it was ME writing it, rather than what God has laid on my heart and my heart does all the talking. To be honest, it has frustrated me to no end. Most of you know how deeply music speaks to me and today is no different.
As I unwound from my day of lab, class and many hours of tutoring, I flipped on my iTunes and hit shuffle. Many songs began to play but one really stopped me in my tracks. It is one of my most favorite songs and although I have heard it more times than I can count, I knew God meant it for me in those rare quiet moments by myself tonight. And I paused. "It Is Well" by Bethel Music played through my phone. If you have never heard this song, it is such a beautiful song and it struck a chord in my heart tonight. Go listen to it! Life may be coming in around you but nothing is too big or too large for my God and therefore it is well with my soul. My favorite line and one of the most beautiful in the song... "So let go my soul and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name."
The waves and the wind... much beyond my control (like all things in life) know HIS name.... not the name of worry, not the name of doubt, not the name of defeat or heartbreak. They know God's name. He is. He was. He will ALWAYS be. Talk about being put in my place tonight. I've been asked so many times over the past weeks how life and school are going and if I am excited for my trip... which I leave for in a WEEK. I've had so many opportunities to talk about RoMed this week and that is a blessing but that excitement has been quite shielded by the surmounting stress that has loomed over me. All I can talk about is getting on a plane and beginning my trip without the many tests that are standing in my way. My heart broke at that revelation tonight. Romania is one of the most special things in my life and it has changed it in so many ways and that trumps all the stress. Will I be beyond thrilled for that moment? You bet ya! Am I ready for my wave of stress to pass? I can't even tell you how bad. But what have I lost sight of... that wave of stress... the wave that knows His name and His alone. So what is my job in all of this? Letting go. "Through it all. Through it all, my eyes are on you. And it is well."
What better example in all of our stressors in life about letting go than the example of God letting go of His Son for our sake. And Jesus spent Himself for us. So why is it so hard for us to let go and die to ourselves and spend our time on Him, rather than worry and stress? Well, the simple answer is we are human but can we not learn a lesson in His likeness. Isn't it our goal to be like Him? He let go... we must let go, to live. We must open our eyes beyond on our own woes in life and to turn them to Him and to those whom He loves and choose to choose serving and loving others above ourselves. With this, I believe this how we truly let go of this selfish holding patterns that we allow ourselves to get stuck in. And as a wise friend said to me just last week, amid all my talk of worry and defeat... she said... "but you will be blessed." That is such a beautiful truth, regardless of my worry and stress... He chooses to bless me and I do not deserve one bit of it. Surely, every moment I've spent in Romania were blessed and life changing ones. So much so, leaving, tears my heart into pieces, leaving larger pieces behind each time I leave.
My prayer is that everyone chooses to see the "It is well" in this life and let go and let your heart be broken for what breaks His and let your heart long for His desires. Even. Amid. Our. Stressors. Let go. This is for the lesson I pray on my own heart, as He has already blessed me and our RoMed team in the days leading up to our departure. I am so grateful. I feel like God has constantly used my life as a testament of slowing down, letting go and letting God. I'm proud to be His ever changing work in progress.
So, one week from today, I will be on my way to Arkansas to begin my trip with our amazing team on Friday. I ask for your prayers as everyone comes together to make this long journey. I pray that you prepare the hearts of our team stateside and abroad, as well as those we will touch through our work. I ask for a huge praise as 11 of our med suitcases have been waived of fees. It is such a huge stress of our team's and God is so very good for answering such a HUGE prayer. Next time I update you, I will be enroute to Romania or on it's beautiful soil!
Live. Laugh. Love and Let Go.
Melissa
As I unwound from my day of lab, class and many hours of tutoring, I flipped on my iTunes and hit shuffle. Many songs began to play but one really stopped me in my tracks. It is one of my most favorite songs and although I have heard it more times than I can count, I knew God meant it for me in those rare quiet moments by myself tonight. And I paused. "It Is Well" by Bethel Music played through my phone. If you have never heard this song, it is such a beautiful song and it struck a chord in my heart tonight. Go listen to it! Life may be coming in around you but nothing is too big or too large for my God and therefore it is well with my soul. My favorite line and one of the most beautiful in the song... "So let go my soul and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name."
The waves and the wind... much beyond my control (like all things in life) know HIS name.... not the name of worry, not the name of doubt, not the name of defeat or heartbreak. They know God's name. He is. He was. He will ALWAYS be. Talk about being put in my place tonight. I've been asked so many times over the past weeks how life and school are going and if I am excited for my trip... which I leave for in a WEEK. I've had so many opportunities to talk about RoMed this week and that is a blessing but that excitement has been quite shielded by the surmounting stress that has loomed over me. All I can talk about is getting on a plane and beginning my trip without the many tests that are standing in my way. My heart broke at that revelation tonight. Romania is one of the most special things in my life and it has changed it in so many ways and that trumps all the stress. Will I be beyond thrilled for that moment? You bet ya! Am I ready for my wave of stress to pass? I can't even tell you how bad. But what have I lost sight of... that wave of stress... the wave that knows His name and His alone. So what is my job in all of this? Letting go. "Through it all. Through it all, my eyes are on you. And it is well."
What better example in all of our stressors in life about letting go than the example of God letting go of His Son for our sake. And Jesus spent Himself for us. So why is it so hard for us to let go and die to ourselves and spend our time on Him, rather than worry and stress? Well, the simple answer is we are human but can we not learn a lesson in His likeness. Isn't it our goal to be like Him? He let go... we must let go, to live. We must open our eyes beyond on our own woes in life and to turn them to Him and to those whom He loves and choose to choose serving and loving others above ourselves. With this, I believe this how we truly let go of this selfish holding patterns that we allow ourselves to get stuck in. And as a wise friend said to me just last week, amid all my talk of worry and defeat... she said... "but you will be blessed." That is such a beautiful truth, regardless of my worry and stress... He chooses to bless me and I do not deserve one bit of it. Surely, every moment I've spent in Romania were blessed and life changing ones. So much so, leaving, tears my heart into pieces, leaving larger pieces behind each time I leave.
My prayer is that everyone chooses to see the "It is well" in this life and let go and let your heart be broken for what breaks His and let your heart long for His desires. Even. Amid. Our. Stressors. Let go. This is for the lesson I pray on my own heart, as He has already blessed me and our RoMed team in the days leading up to our departure. I am so grateful. I feel like God has constantly used my life as a testament of slowing down, letting go and letting God. I'm proud to be His ever changing work in progress.
So, one week from today, I will be on my way to Arkansas to begin my trip with our amazing team on Friday. I ask for your prayers as everyone comes together to make this long journey. I pray that you prepare the hearts of our team stateside and abroad, as well as those we will touch through our work. I ask for a huge praise as 11 of our med suitcases have been waived of fees. It is such a huge stress of our team's and God is so very good for answering such a HUGE prayer. Next time I update you, I will be enroute to Romania or on it's beautiful soil!
Live. Laugh. Love and Let Go.
Melissa
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
When God Says "Not Right Now."
Have you ever been so set on a goal but you feel like the world is standing in your way or it doesn't pan out? Did you ever feel so frustrated because you wanted something so badly but you know it's not the right time? Have you ever prayed so hard for a dream to come true but you feel like God isn't hearing you? My quiet time this morning explored the essence of these questions in depth and it resonated so deeply with me as I feel like this is such an integral part of "my story" that God is so graciously writing.
There is some obscure home video of me out there, circa age 10ish, that has me responding to the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I believe I rattled off something about being a singer and possibly something else, but I ended with wanting to be a dentist. In high school, I spent a lot time shadowing in dental offices and found myself so in love with the idea of becoming a dentist through a lot of mentors I met along the way. When I began college, I wanted it but I found myself in this constant battle of setbacks and no where near becoming a dentist. My junior year, I found myself in dental hygiene school, I was so elated and actually a bit surprised that I made it in on my first try. The first time I sat in class, I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be. The first time I saw a patient, I was hooked and I knew I had been called to something so special, but I never lost that dream to be a dentist. That want stayed with me even as I practiced private practice hygiene but I had surrendered to the thought that that dream would never come to fruition for me. I had become okay with that thought. But as you have read before in my blog, my second dental mission in 2013 to Romania, reignited that fire it me and I felt as though God cleaned the glass of my soul so that I may see that dream clearly again. Even with those moments where I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am called to chase my dream of becoming a dentist, obstacles befell me and I would go back to that place of saying this dream must not be for me. I did a lot of crying and pleading with God in the first months of our move as I waited (impatiently) for a Colorado License and wondering what is it God wanted me to do if this whole dental school thing really wasn't working. I felt lost. I felt confused. I felt... unheard. But then... God showed me in huge ways that He was indeed listening and He said "now is the time." I enrolled in UCCS a year ago and felt excited and terrified. I am a "non-traditional" student, a busy military wife and very much obligated to my licensure as a hygienist to keep up my craft. I thought to myself, how will I be able to do it all? But as I started back to school, my fears were calmed by my Father and I have learned to trust him on a deeper level. For that, I am thankful. After I started back, I finally got my long awaited Colorado dental hygiene license. I immediately knew if I received that license just a month earlier, before I enrolled in school, I wouldn't have gone back and I would probably be in private practice again with the "what if" lingering on my heart. God hears. He listens. He knows when the "right now" is the most perfect.
There are many biblical examples of dreams not being fulfilled immediately, a couple of them: Noah had a dream of building an ark... it took him 120 years; The Israelites were brought out of Egypt but wandered for 40 years before they went into the Promise land (when in reality, it was only about a two-week walk between Israel and Egypt). God uses delays to prepare us for the challenges ahead and to test us. What if the Israelites would have entered into war unprepared? God knew they needed time or they couldn't have handled it? Delays are used by God for His perfect design!
So when your dream seems like it is on this perpetual delay, how do you respond? Focus on God's presence and know that He is hearing you, and He is listening. Sometimes His answer is "not right now," even if you want it right now. Trust His design.
Live. Laugh. And trust in His design.
Melissa
There is some obscure home video of me out there, circa age 10ish, that has me responding to the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I believe I rattled off something about being a singer and possibly something else, but I ended with wanting to be a dentist. In high school, I spent a lot time shadowing in dental offices and found myself so in love with the idea of becoming a dentist through a lot of mentors I met along the way. When I began college, I wanted it but I found myself in this constant battle of setbacks and no where near becoming a dentist. My junior year, I found myself in dental hygiene school, I was so elated and actually a bit surprised that I made it in on my first try. The first time I sat in class, I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be. The first time I saw a patient, I was hooked and I knew I had been called to something so special, but I never lost that dream to be a dentist. That want stayed with me even as I practiced private practice hygiene but I had surrendered to the thought that that dream would never come to fruition for me. I had become okay with that thought. But as you have read before in my blog, my second dental mission in 2013 to Romania, reignited that fire it me and I felt as though God cleaned the glass of my soul so that I may see that dream clearly again. Even with those moments where I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am called to chase my dream of becoming a dentist, obstacles befell me and I would go back to that place of saying this dream must not be for me. I did a lot of crying and pleading with God in the first months of our move as I waited (impatiently) for a Colorado License and wondering what is it God wanted me to do if this whole dental school thing really wasn't working. I felt lost. I felt confused. I felt... unheard. But then... God showed me in huge ways that He was indeed listening and He said "now is the time." I enrolled in UCCS a year ago and felt excited and terrified. I am a "non-traditional" student, a busy military wife and very much obligated to my licensure as a hygienist to keep up my craft. I thought to myself, how will I be able to do it all? But as I started back to school, my fears were calmed by my Father and I have learned to trust him on a deeper level. For that, I am thankful. After I started back, I finally got my long awaited Colorado dental hygiene license. I immediately knew if I received that license just a month earlier, before I enrolled in school, I wouldn't have gone back and I would probably be in private practice again with the "what if" lingering on my heart. God hears. He listens. He knows when the "right now" is the most perfect.
There are many biblical examples of dreams not being fulfilled immediately, a couple of them: Noah had a dream of building an ark... it took him 120 years; The Israelites were brought out of Egypt but wandered for 40 years before they went into the Promise land (when in reality, it was only about a two-week walk between Israel and Egypt). God uses delays to prepare us for the challenges ahead and to test us. What if the Israelites would have entered into war unprepared? God knew they needed time or they couldn't have handled it? Delays are used by God for His perfect design!
So when your dream seems like it is on this perpetual delay, how do you respond? Focus on God's presence and know that He is hearing you, and He is listening. Sometimes His answer is "not right now," even if you want it right now. Trust His design.
Live. Laugh. And trust in His design.
Melissa
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Even in all the chaos, I'm called...
Today I finished my last two finals of the semester. Even though I have enjoyed an evening of no homework, no looming quizzes and just mindless activities, I am still bewildered from this semester. I say I am "bewildered" for a few reasons. This semester was a flash and I cannot even wrap my mind around how I am seeing the end of it....almost unscathed. Within that flash, was one of the most challenging semesters academically that I have ever experienced in all my career of being a student. There were really high highs and many lows throughout this semester and at times I really began to rethink my decisions amidst my stress. A small glimpse into the mess: 3-4 quizzes per week between all my classes, on top of assignments and labs due. This might not seem like much but when you have dinner to cook and a house to keep... it adds up. Usually school comes in waves and you can "catch your breath" in between the "waves" but this semester was a consistent flood. I would see jobs come through my e-mail box that I know I could take and go back to working private practice hygiene to enjoy "the simple life." To be honest, I really miss that life most days. But it never failed that amidst the chaos and dark times, I was reminded constantly by my Savior that I am called to this life that I am living. I would see my purpose through family and friends who have loved me and supported me relentlessly, most often on the days where I felt I was near my breaking point. Grateful will never cover those moments and I feel that I have failed a lot this semester in showing my thanks for all the kindness shown to me. My biggest reminder this semester came through a simple e-mail a couple months ago.
"ROMed 2015" was displayed in the subject title with the first line within the e-mail from Sandy stating: "Did that make your heart skip a beat?" It did. Just days earlier, I had one of my lowest moments of my semester after a week of quizzes. During a calculus test on a Friday... I finally broke. Much to my humiliation, it resulted in my first ever panic attack to include tears, struggling to breath and gagging. Yeah, I said it, gagging. It was that day when I said to myself that surely, I couldn't handle going to dental school if it took one bad week and a calculus test to bring on such an awful episode. I figured, as I have many times in my life, that I cannot do it and somehow my life needs to take a different path. Truth is, I can't do it but God can and as my heart skipped many beats as I read the ROMed e-mail, I was firmly reminded that God always can. As I read that we will be going back October of this year, I remembered just how specifically He has called me and exactly why I want to become a dentist. I needed that reminder, in the worst way, and it has pushed me through this crazy semester with grace. I am thankful that the good Lord has grace on my soul... daily, when I do not deserve it.
It was 2013 before our move to Colorado, in Romania, when I knew exactly that God was calling me to apply to dental school. I have had that dream since before I went to dental hygiene school and I know He has prepared me to this very moment to do what He has called me to do. For those of you who know me well, Romania and all of my precious friends and the people there have such a very large chunk of my heart. I let them have it, gladly. God willing, I will continue to go and leave more each time, which is why I can hardly contain myself to know I will be back in October! It's even more exciting to think that within the next couple trips after this year, I could be going as a dentist and do what I have dreamed of doing... doing more to serve these amazing people because they deserve every bit of what our wonderful team can offer and more! God knew that I needed refocus my energy on His plans, rather than what I thought I needed to do (or not do) to remind me that He calls me to beautiful and big things even when the road to get there is long and trying. Again, for that I am so very grateful.
So, in the months ahead of our trip, I'm making a promise to be better about blogging my journey through a school filled summer and preparation for Romania. The doors that have already been flung wide open to make way for ROMed 2015 possible for me, personally, have been amazing! All my professors for the fall have given me the thumbs up to pursue this! I am still amazed at God's goodness and their understanding! I ask for your prayers for our team full of "veterans" and also some awesome new faces this year! Pray that the way is already being prepared for us to do God's work through our medical, dental and vision teams, as well as opening the hearts of those we will be serving.
When I think about Romania and I tell people about it, I talk about all the eye opening moments where you can see God at work. I laugh about the fun moments our team has and I will also remember how tired you are... but it's the best kind of tired. Even amidst the fatigue and the chaos that comes with long clinic days, just like my crazy semester, I am called. I am so thankful I am called. What are you called to or what is God calling you to that maybe you have said "I can't"? I am proof positive that He can, just let him.
Live. Laugh. Be called.
Melissa
"ROMed 2015" was displayed in the subject title with the first line within the e-mail from Sandy stating: "Did that make your heart skip a beat?" It did. Just days earlier, I had one of my lowest moments of my semester after a week of quizzes. During a calculus test on a Friday... I finally broke. Much to my humiliation, it resulted in my first ever panic attack to include tears, struggling to breath and gagging. Yeah, I said it, gagging. It was that day when I said to myself that surely, I couldn't handle going to dental school if it took one bad week and a calculus test to bring on such an awful episode. I figured, as I have many times in my life, that I cannot do it and somehow my life needs to take a different path. Truth is, I can't do it but God can and as my heart skipped many beats as I read the ROMed e-mail, I was firmly reminded that God always can. As I read that we will be going back October of this year, I remembered just how specifically He has called me and exactly why I want to become a dentist. I needed that reminder, in the worst way, and it has pushed me through this crazy semester with grace. I am thankful that the good Lord has grace on my soul... daily, when I do not deserve it.
It was 2013 before our move to Colorado, in Romania, when I knew exactly that God was calling me to apply to dental school. I have had that dream since before I went to dental hygiene school and I know He has prepared me to this very moment to do what He has called me to do. For those of you who know me well, Romania and all of my precious friends and the people there have such a very large chunk of my heart. I let them have it, gladly. God willing, I will continue to go and leave more each time, which is why I can hardly contain myself to know I will be back in October! It's even more exciting to think that within the next couple trips after this year, I could be going as a dentist and do what I have dreamed of doing... doing more to serve these amazing people because they deserve every bit of what our wonderful team can offer and more! God knew that I needed refocus my energy on His plans, rather than what I thought I needed to do (or not do) to remind me that He calls me to beautiful and big things even when the road to get there is long and trying. Again, for that I am so very grateful.
So, in the months ahead of our trip, I'm making a promise to be better about blogging my journey through a school filled summer and preparation for Romania. The doors that have already been flung wide open to make way for ROMed 2015 possible for me, personally, have been amazing! All my professors for the fall have given me the thumbs up to pursue this! I am still amazed at God's goodness and their understanding! I ask for your prayers for our team full of "veterans" and also some awesome new faces this year! Pray that the way is already being prepared for us to do God's work through our medical, dental and vision teams, as well as opening the hearts of those we will be serving.
When I think about Romania and I tell people about it, I talk about all the eye opening moments where you can see God at work. I laugh about the fun moments our team has and I will also remember how tired you are... but it's the best kind of tired. Even amidst the fatigue and the chaos that comes with long clinic days, just like my crazy semester, I am called. I am so thankful I am called. What are you called to or what is God calling you to that maybe you have said "I can't"? I am proof positive that He can, just let him.
Live. Laugh. Be called.
Melissa
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