October 5, 2010

Hey Everyone! I am FINALLY getting around to blogging again! This past Sunday really got in me in gear to finish these journal entries. They talked a lot about missional life and it is a life that has become very dear to my heart. There will be a course having a lot to deal with missions and how we view to world... all the while delving deeper in God's word and what he says about our lives in his great plan. The course is called "Perspectives." I really felt God tugging at my heart the past couple of weeks at church to look into this. After doing the research, I know God wants me in this 15 week course. I really had no excuse not to do it! I will be attending the registration night tomorrow and I am SO excited about what God has in store for this course! Please be in prayer! God has already put a lot of things on my mind about missions in the world... Romania and here at home. It isn't by accident that I am set to write about October 5th from my trip. This is the day, I realized why God had me in Romania. It was by far the most emotionally taxing day but it really defines the fire I have for missions today. Enjoy...

"Eva. Eva will stay with me forever. Eva was the last patient of the day and originally she wasn't "mine" per-say. Jason and Beth worked on her for a great while. She caught my eye as they worked because she looked close to my age... mid twenties and Sandy was holding her head as they worked on her. I began to see them grow tired. I will admit I had to look away because the emotions began to well up inside me. I thought to myself: Why her? This beautiful girl doesn't deserve this. Why am I given the life I have? That could very easily be me. God, why does she have to endure that much? God was tugging at my heart so hard as I watched Jason and Beth grow tired as they worked. God intervened with me and I found myself working along side Garrett with Eva, to relieve Jason and Beth. I began to have a "self talk" and tell myself to not cry... to be strong for Eva, make her feel comfortable... to not let her see my hurt for her. As I stepped in, I truly saw the magnitude of the situation and realized she could be me. Her mouth was truly beyond repair and most everything needed to come out. Knowing we could not do so for her, we did what we could. In the end, with Eva, we pulled 11 teeth. She endured every bit of it. My mind was so jumbled between my self-talk and my questions to God as I held her hand and wiped her beautiful face of blood and tears... I tried to help Garrett. The tears began to run down my face and soak my mask. They blurred my vision and I kept on. Garrett looked up at me and asked if I was okay and in that moment I said, "This is what it is all about." He said "Yes, it is," and kept working. I knew in that very moment that I wasn't there to question why God gave Eva the circumstances she was in or to hide my heart from Eva. Eva is just like me. She is a woman who is looking for her purpose and who was I, to hide my heart of compassion for the Lord and for souls like Eva... from her. How often, in my own community do I hide my soul in fear of being exposed. As I cried, Eva and I would make eye contact and when I touched her hand she would squeeze hard and I would squeeze back. I felt so much compassion for her... I prayed for her and I knew she could read  my eyes. The conditions and situations were truly beyond imagination. When we were through, Sandy began to run through post-op instructions with her. Her one worry from the whole extraction event was not for herself but for her new baby she was nursing. She was completely selfess. I stood with her for a second and we hugged. I remember she hugged so tight. She grabbed a translator and with the sweetest voice... muffled through gauze uttered something. The translator looked at me and said "She said, She feels your compassion and God bless you." I am so glad that God placed Garrett, Jason, Beth, Sandy and myself to show her love and caring compassion that I know she might not think anyone holds for her.

God is so good. Even through a tough language barrier, we connected and God was shown to her. I've never had a hug pierce my soul that deep. Like I said to Garrett, "This is what it is all about."'

I weep even as I type that entry because God touched my soul so deeply through Eva. Eva was on my mind as they talked about the Perspectives course. A wonderful lady in my church, Missy, gave her testimony about what the course did for her and how it opened her eyes to her mission field at home. I began to think about how in that day with Eva... I went back to the mission house and thought about how God can use me in my office. I wrote down 1700. I see 9 patients a day for four days out of the work week. In the end, in one year I will see roughly 1700 patients. That is 1700 opportunities to share my heart... share my faith with someone. God has divine timing.

Thank you so much for reading this and I encourage you that if God is tugging at your heart for missions abroad or at home... step up and have a "1700" (or whatever your number may be) attitude.

Live. Laugh. Love.

Melissa